Up From the Ashes
by PrincessAlica
Summary: Scarlett is alone after Rhett leaves her to deal with Melanie's death and the children's grief. But the story doesn't end there, and of course disaster is looming.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: I do not own any of the characters from Gone With the Wind. No money is being made from the writing of this. It is purely for the enjoyment of writing.

* * *

Chapter One

* * *

"For a moment he hesitated as if debating whether a kind lie were

kinder in the long run than the truth. Then he shrugged.

"Scarlett, I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments

and glue them together and tell myself that the mended whole was as

good as new. What is broken is broken--and I'd rather remember it

as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as

long as I lived. Perhaps, if I were younger--" he sighed. "But

I'm too old to believe in such sentimentalities as clean slates and

starting all over. I'm too old to shoulder the burden of constant

lies that go with living in polite disillusionment. I couldn't

live with you and lie to you and I certainly couldn't lie to

myself. I can't even lie to you now. I wish I could care what you

do or where you go, but I can't."

He drew a short breath and said lightly but softly:

"My dear, I don't give a damn." (Gone With the Wind, Mitchell. C. LXIII)

So she sat quietly staring the door, shrouded in a mantle of unbelief. Rhett could not be gone from her life. Rhett had been there for so long. She hadn't even realized how much she depended upon him to be her strength and support. And now she was alone with the shattered remains of her life and her marriage. She alone could pick up the broken pieces. And he had said that he couldn't sit and look at the mended, scarred remains and pretend that they were whole and new.

For an instant, in a rare moment of introspection she wondered if perhaps they should never have married. But at the time he had been so convincing in his conquest that marriage could be fun. And his kisses had been so intoxicating. And she had loved the thought of what his money could buy for her. She hated that their marriage seemed to have ruined the most important friendship in her life. Rhett was the only person that seemed to have understood her and what she was thinking. But now he was gone.

Additionally, the only other friend she had ever truly had was gone as well. The loss hit her like a stiff blow, causing her to double over in pain, the tight corset only adding to it. She struggled to breathe in deeply trying to push away the thought of Melanie being gone. But a deep breath was impossible with the constraints of the corset. Dear Melanie her mind pondered, who had stood beside her no matter what. Her thoughts briefly flashed for a moment to Melly standing at the top of the stairs with Charles's sword in her hand too weak to lift it. She thought of Melanie standing beside her at Ashley's birthday party after being caught at the mill in his embrace by India and Archie. She thought of that last sweltering day when Beau was born before they left Atlanta. Who would ever be able to stand by Scarlett the way Melanie had? Even through all of the crimes unknown to Melanie that Scarlett was guilty of.

So she remained sitting there as if frozen by the coldness of her broken heart. Melanie was dead, and Rhett was gone. But Scarlett knew that somehow, even these losses could be overcome in time even though at the moment she wasn't certain how. She was a survivor. And in time she was certain that Rhett would be back. Rhett loved her. Even if he said he didn't any longer. She could not fathom that anyone could resist her charms, not even Rhett. She only saw devoted fidelity in the eyes of her suitors despite the fact that Rhett was completely different from any of the others, for he saw the real her and he had loved her for it. But now he said that the love was gone.

Finally with no other thought than to be welcomed into the dark oblivion of sleep and to put this day behind her, Scarlett crept slowly up the stairs as if the weight of the world were pulling on her trying to drag her into the depths of the sea. The grand staircase seemed to reach into the heavens as she climbed her way up it. It seemed as if it would never end, that her penance would be to climb these steps until the end of eternity. Finally she put one weary foot in front of the other and made her way to her own bedroom.

The rose strewn carpet seemed garish and harsh after the simplicity of the Wilkes home. The pink drapes seemed to mock her. She had thought that Melanie's bedroom seemed as chaste as a school girl's room, but it was obvious that it was Scarlett's own room that was a celibate sanctuary. And it had all been for nothing. She had been loyal in her chastity to Ashley when it was obvious that he had not done the same.

She had turned Rhett away for no reason at all. And now Scarlett longed for his arms to be around her. She dreamed that he would return and join her in her bed. And without undressing she fell upon the bed and closed her eyes. Sleep tugged at her consciousness, and she slowly faded away desperate to rid her mind of the grief that was wearing upon her. But even in her exhaustion, she found no rest. She tossed and turned restlessly as her mind played through the events of the day and of the previous year. Each memory was an accusation of the wrongs that she had committed. Each loss was charge against her, as if all that she had lost had been lost because of her many sins. Finally a fitful sleep claimed her and she tossed and turned until the old nightmare returned in cold reality. It was now more than a nightmare, it had become life that very morning.

* * *

She awoke midday and rose shakily from the bed. She dressed herself absently, merely going through the motions without any heart or passion. But she would need to ready herself for the work involved preparing for Melanie's funeral, and she would need to break the news to Wade and Ella when she picked them up at the train station. Off handedly she wondered if Rhett had already left town. Perhaps he would be at the funeral. He always seemed to go on and on about what a lady Melanie was. It wouldn't seem right for him not to be there. But it also wasn't right for him to not be here now.

Scarlett trudged down the stairs and out the door to enter the waiting carriage. Despite everything that happened, she needed to be the one to meet Wade and Ella at the train station. It was not a task to be given to one of the servants. For the moment she thought of their dependence on her, and it was stifling. Also, Prissy was of very little use in calming their fears for Prissy was so easily scared that she had no skill in calming others. Scarlett was certain that their fears would be great. And the reality would be even worse than the fears. For the reality of the situation was that their fears had come to fruition in harsh cold reality.

The train chugged into the station blanketing those around in and inside the compartments in the dark soot that it belched out from its front. Scarlett remained inside the carriage waiting in silence for the children to join her. She dreaded this meeting. Nothing could have prepared them for the losses that they had already gone through let alone the truth of the entire situation. Both Rhett and Melanie had played vital roles in their lives.

Finally the door was opened and Ella's pinched face stared at Scarlett as she climbed into the carriage, closely followed by Wade. Prissy quickly joined the driver up in front, leaving Scarlett and her children alone. Both pairs of eyes searched their mother's face, looking for the news that Wade dreaded to hear. And from the look on his mother's face, the answer was obvious. Aunt Melly was not just sick. He knew it without being told. Aunt Melanie was dead.

Wade's chin trembled as he fought off the tears that were threatening to pour from his eyes. "Is Aunt Melly… gone?" He couldn't find the strength to say the word. He couldn't say Aunt Melly was dead even though it was an incessant refrain in his mind.

Scarlett nodded, her eyes pale as if the tears had washed the color from them. Finding her voice she said, "I'm sorry."

Wade nodded. "I'm sorry too, mother."

Ella sat across from her mother seemingly uncomprehending of the situation. "Where has Aunt Melly gone?" she asked.

Scarlett was taken aback by the question. She paused for a moment to gather the words to explain the situation to the child. "She's in heaven with Bonnie."

Ella shook her head furiously. "No!" she cried. I don't want Aunt Melly to be gone. I need Aunt Melly. It's your fault mother! It's your fault!"

Scarlett was startled by the angry outburst. She was prepared for tears, but Ella's anger was met in Scarlett's own grief and her own guilt over the situation. The brightness returned to Scarlett's eyes as the color rose in her cheeks, the anger of the grief eroding the sadness and tossing it aside carelessly as one tosses away a wildflower.

Ella's usual timidity was forgotten as she launched herself at her mother with all of the fire and energy of her grandfather before her. Ella beat furiously against Scarlett's chest as the wails began to pour forth, angry piteous wails that echoed in the small space making Wade long to cover his ears to quench the deafening sounds. But he did nothing, and he remained in his seat dumbfounded by the situation.

Ella's small fists slowed in their angry pattern as the anger turned into tears. She fell into her mother's lap, spent from the explosion at the news of Melanie's death. Scarlett absently reached out and patted the child's head. The action was foreign to her. She had never been the one to comfort her children in their times of grief. That job had always fallen to someone else, to anyone but Scarlett. But now it seemed that there was no one else.

Ella seemed to be content to bury her face in her mother's black skirts as she sniffled trying to regain her composure. Scarlett was momentarily horrified by the discovery that Ella was leaving tear stains on the dress, but she pushed down her annoyance and continued in her awkward petting of the child's hair for there was little else that she felt capable of doing. And Wade remained stoically unmoved by the situation. He remained calm and collected despite the rising tide of emotions her hid on the inside. He was the little soldier ready to face death as his mother had instructed him to be during the war.

But Scarlett inwardly grimaced, for the children still knew nothing of Rhett's departure. She waited tensely on edge waiting for one of them to ask for him. She knew that eventually that the questions would come. And as Scarlett was still unsure of the entire situation in her mind, she had no idea what answer to give to them.

As she churned the thoughts in her mind she remembered on fact that she had neglected in her musings. Rhett had promised to visit to keep gossip down. And in these windows of opportunity Scarlett saw her chance to recapture his affection. Unbeknownst to her he had been chasing her for years before she had accepted his proposal. So now it was her turn to be the pursuer instead of the pursued.

With new determination in her eyes, she raised her chin and stared out of the carriage into the afternoon light as they headed to the Wilkes to offer assistance. And Beau would need playmates. And Ashley would need her. Now that Melanie, Ashley's strength, was gone; he would need a new source of strength. He would need her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The carriage rolled to a slow stop in front of the squat little house behind Aunt Pitty's. Ella wiped her eyes with the back of her hands as Scarlett shook her. Ella's eyes were red rimmed, and her face was stained with a trail of tears. She sniffled as she stood up to face her mother leaving a damp spot on Scarlett's skirt.

Wade took Ella's hand and stepped out of the carriage helping Ella down beside him. He paused for a moment staring at her mother, waiting to see if Scarlett would move. She entirely not acting like herself. It was as if she were frozen into a state of shock. She reacted little to the stimulus around her. She stared blankly out the carriage window, until Wade finally climbed back inside the carriage and took her by the hand.

"Mother," Wade told her. "We're here. Aren't you getting out?"

Scarlett blinked slowly, her eye lashes fluttering unconsciously. Then they lifted her pale gaze to her son's concerned face. She stared blankly at him, as if at first she didn't even recognize him. Then she blinked once again, and then focused on his face. "Of course Wade," she took the hand he was offering her. She rose slowly as if she were years older than her 28 years. And she followed her son out of the carriage into the drizzling air outside.

Her head was bent against the weather as she followed the narrow stone path to the steep stairs that led to the home that Melanie had made for Ashley. Each step of the staircase seemed monumental for her to ascend. Her eyes stared at the stairs as she trudged up them almost as if she were afraid to look up at the door and see the mourning wreath in place. It was almost as if seeing it would make it real, and she desperately didn't want it to be real. She wanted none of this last year to be real. And now when she so desperately needed Rhett for his strength and stability, he had removed himself from her life.

Weariness enveloped her like a cloak, shrouding her as death stole over the features of the departed. But despite her slow progress she was already at the door, her hand lifted to knock, when the door slowly swung open. Ashley stood before her pale and shaken, even in more of a desperate state than she herself. But he reached out a hand to console her and steady her, even as she reached a hand out to him. The passion had disappeared into the air as vapor, but yet they still needed each other. They needed each other now more than ever. Ashley knew. He could see it in her posture and her bearing that more was afflicting Scarlett than just Mellie's death, even in his grief stricken mind he could see it. He lifted his bloodshot pale grey eyes to meet her pale watery green ones. And without saying a word he asked the question. Scarlett's chin dipped in shame and humiliation as she admitted, "He left me."

Ashley nodded. His voice was soft and raspy, as if it took all of his strength simply to speak. "He never deserved you, as I never deserved Mellie, God rest her soul. She was too good for me, and you are too good for him." He led Scarlett to the settee as if they were still the friends they had always been, as If the past years and events had never transpired. She wearily sat upon it saying nothing in response. The room was silent except for the sound of the children in Beau's room playing. Ashley reached out and turned her face to his. When their eyes met again, Scarlett shook her head. "It was my fault," she admitted in an agonized breathless whisper. "It was my fault. He loved me, but I didn't see that I loved him as well."

Ashley gently patted her gloved hand. "We shall be here for each other." He nodded as he spoke and there was a certain finality to it. "We have each other, and we have the children."

Scarlett shook her head, "No." she was clearly horrified by the thought. "It will only prove to everyone that their suspicions were right."

"Scarlett, darling, does it really matter. We are friends; friends who are in desperate need of each other right now. There is nothing wrong with that." Ashley told her gently.

Finally Scarlett nodded because had felt so absolutely and utterly alone. And even if she could see that she didn't love Ashely, he was still a friend from her childhood. He was someone that she could lean on and someone that would lean on her.

She closed her eyes to try to block out all that had happened. She needed to think about something else, anything else. She refused to allow herself to dwell too long on her own situation. She felt like she was drowning in sorrow. It was a similar feeling to her arrival at Tara after fleeing Atlanta. She felt as if all of the wind had been knocked out of her and that there was no longer any air in existence. It was as if in an instant, a horrible instant that seemed to go on forever, in a days time all of the world had been turned upside down.

So instead she turned her mind over to Ashley's woes. "Have you prepared for the funeral?" She asked gently. She could be gentle with Ashley. She could help him with the arrangements. It was something to keep her busy and give her purpose.

But he only miserably shook his head. The little strength he had shown in aiding Scarlett seemed to evaporate the instant that Melly was mentioned.

"Would you like for me to handle it?" She asked out of compassion for him. ."After all, Melly was like sister to me." She finished hoping that would ease his burden of guilt of handing the arrangements over to Scarlett's capable hands. She smiled wanly at him as she rose with new determination to shoulder this burden. When she felt needed it made her more capable and stronger.

o)o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The weather was bleak and gray as they stood beside the grave site. Wade and Ella stood beside Scarlett as she gazed bleakly into the somber atmosphere that seemed to permeate into her very bones. A sharp wind blew across the mourners as the Old Guard of Atlanta gathered to bid farewell to a beloved member of their society. They stared with undisguised malice at Scarlett, as if Scarlett had been the cause of Melanie's death.

The children clung to her skirts as they stared in confusion at the gaping hole in the ground that held Aunt Melly. Ella's small shoulders shook as she sobbed. Scarlett stared at the child with no idea how to comfort the child. Dealing with them was still completely bewildering to her. She had no idea to handle any of their problems other than to yell or scold. But now she was too frozen in her heart to even be able to do that.

Ella buried her face in her mother's skirts, even as she reached for her mother's hand for she desperately wanted something to hold on to. The entire situation was confusing to her. She didn't quite understand death, but she did understand that everyone was very sad. And she longed for Aunt Melly to comfort her, but Aunt Melly was not there. So she reached for her mother for she needed to cling to her.

Scarlett glanced down at the bent head and squeezed the small hand in her own. Something about that seemed to stifle some of the louder sobs, and Scarlett felt a flash of triumph that in this haze of grief she had been able to do something right.

Ashley wailed as he knelt in the red earth, he shoulders shaking with unrepressed sobs. Beau turned from his father, bewildered about what he could do. He saw Scarlett and Wade and Ella and joined them. Ashley seemed to be on the precipice of joining Melly in the grave, but Scarlett was so surrounded by the children that she could not hope to stop him. But he did not fall. He rocked back and forth in apparent agony as the mourners slowly began to take their leave.

Scarlett stood silently watching, but she was frozen for the grief weighed heavily upon her. The children stood facing her, unwilling to look any longer at the grave site. Beau was the most at ease around her. He was a confident child, although obviously missing his mother. And since his only choices seemed to be to turn to his Aunt Scarlett or his Aunt India, without hesitation he clung to Scarlett.

From the shadow of a weeping willow, Rhett watched the scene with sad eyes. He held his panama hat in his hands as his eyes briefly flickered over the scene before him. It was a shame that Melanie was gone. She was the greatest lady he had ever known.

A part of him wished that he could care about the pain Scarlett was feeling but he didn't. He was completely numb with the grief of Bonnie that he felt nothing. He felt nothing at all. His heart was frozen in that moment when he had watched Bonnie fly from Mr. Butler's back. He wished that he could feel for Wade and Ella. And perhaps deep inside he did. They were his children too, but he didn't want to deal with the hysterics that he was certain he would witness if he came near Scarlett. He knew that one day's time was not enough to have softened the blow that he had dealt her.

He tried to slip behind the tree before he was seen, but he saw that Wade had caught sight of him. The boy had pulled away from his mother's side and was striding purposely across the green grass towards Rhett's secluded location. Rhett, knowing that he had been caught, stepped forward to face the boy.

"Uncle Rhett, why didn't you stand beside mother?" The boy immediately asked.

Rhett's mind churned, had Scarlett not told the children about the situation? But the look on Wade's face told him that he knew nothing about what had taken place. Wade's face revealed that he was hungry for comfort, desperate for a father's attention. "I needed to leave town for a while, but I couldn't leave before the funeral. I needed to pay my respects." Rhett's eyes briefly flickered up towards the grave where Ashley still kneeled. Scarlett's head was bent as the children clung to her.

Wade looked at him confusion clear in his eyes. "But mother needs you."

"You mother doesn't need anyone, she never has." Rhett added bitterly. "I have to go now, or I will miss my train."

Rhett turned from Wade and walked towards his carriage which was waiting for him. "Take care of your mother, if she'll let you." He tipped his hat and mounted the coach. , and immediately the carriage pulled away.

Wade turned and walked back to join his mother. He took her by the hand and led her away, taking her from the grave. He shouldered a responsibility far beyond his years. Scarlett followed her son numbly leaving Ashley to mourn alone.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Sorry that it has taken me so long to update this. I am really enjoying this one, but I don't want anypart of it to feel forced or contrived, and so I am taking my time and trying to let it occur. Hope everyone enjoys it! _

_And everyone that has reviewed thank you so much for taking the time to give me feedback. Thanks again!_

Chapter 3

Scarlett sat alone in the dining room nursing a glass of brandy trying not to think of the day that was qucikly fading. She was numb, but she wanted to be more numb. She wanted to never feel again. She desperately wanted what she could never have. She leaned her head onto her arms, and then the tears came. The numbness was fading, being replaced by a pain that was as intense and stupefying as when she had fallen down the stairs. It seemed as if she was being ripped apart internally. How could she continue on.

A noise at the front door, caused Scarlett to jerk her head up. Maybe Rhett was back, maybe he remembered how much he loved her. She rose on shaking legs to answer the hesitant knocking on the door. It was the middle of the night, who else would be out at a time like this?

As the door swung open, it revealed in the faint light, a person even more disheveled in appearance than Scarlett herself. "Ashley?" Scarlett said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

His bloodshot watery grey eyes lifted to meet her blood shot green ones. "I can't do this Scarlett. I can't live without her. I can't go on. I think I understand why Romeo killed himself when her saw her dead. I can't bear this pain either. I always thought that Romeo was a fool, because of course I knew that she wasn't dead, but he wasn't a fool. Perhaps now I am joining the ranks of the tragic loves of literature. Perhaps it took this for me to understand. I don't fit in this world, Scarlett. I think I always understood that, at least I knew I didn't fit in this new world. And Melanie was all that kept me on track. Scarlett, please, please help me forget." He pleaded with his haunted eyes gazing blankly at her, as he groped to take her hand. The scent of the alcohol clung to him, overpowering everything else.

Scarlett pulled away from him as he followed her into the dining room. She resumed her position staring at the now empty glass. "Ashely, don't do this. Please. I can barely hold myself together."

"Scarlett, stop. You want me. I know you want me. Please for one night, can't we help each other forget this pain." There was a desperation in his voice, a pleading pathetic longing to escape for even a moment.

Scarlett's eyes slowly registered the shock she felt at his words. She shook her head frantically. "No, Ashely we can't."

"Please, Scarlett. Please, I need you. I need to feel something other than this agonizing pain." His eyes were wild with fear and pain, like a wounded animal desperate for the agony to cease.

Scarlett rose to place a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. "I don't love you Ashley. I let this obsession with you destroy my chance at happiness with Rhett. You don't love me either." She offered soothingly. There was something frightening in his blind panic. It was a side of him she had never witnessed before as he slowly advanced towards. She was frozen as his lips came crashing down on hers, and he pushed her down onto the settee.

"Please, let me forget." He cried as she pushed him away. "Please make the pain stop. Scarlett you are the only one who can save me. Please make me forget." He pressed closer and found her lips again.

The numbness was beginning to fade as her panic and fear drove it away. "Ashely no! Ashley, stop! Ashely, please don't do this." She pleaded as tears poured furiously down her face. She was choking with rage and indignation. This was wrong. Here she was presented with what she had chased for over a decade and yet now she wanted no part in it. And she wasn't strong enough. "Ashley! Stop! You don't want to do this! No!"

And then he was no longer there. The weight of him had disappeared. It confused her. She opened her eyes to find Rhett standing in front of her, his eyes blazing with anger. But then he turned to the heap on the floor that was Ashley. "I see you haven't wasted anytime in pursuing my wife."

"Rhett, he didn't... I didn't..." Scarlett stammered shakily.

"Tonight, Mr. Wilkes, I will excuse this, because I know that you are insane with grief. And it is only because of Miss Mellie that I am not going to kill you, right now. Although I think that might actually be what you want. No, I'm only going to let you know that you will leave Scarlett alone. At least you will leave her alone as long as she wants left alone, beyond that it is no consideration of mine."

Ashely crawled from the room in shame, as Rhett turned back to Scarlett.

She stared up at him with wonder in her eyes. "You do care?" she finally asked as she spoke.

"Don't get your hopes up Scarlett. Ashley was at Belle's, crying into his liquor, and I overheard him saying that he was going to come over here. He was obviously in quite a state when he left. And since I do have money invested in Belle's I thought it only appropriate that I insure that Mr. Wilkes didn't accost some unsuspecting innocent. I didn't know what he might do in the state he was in. I didn't want the children to see anything. Don't worry, I haven't changed my mind. I still don't care what happens to you, my pet. You can take care of yourself. I left you between two armies and I knew that you could take on both of them and win if necessary." He said with a hint of a chuckle. "I'm quite sure that you would have eventually over powered him and put him squarely in his place."

"But Rhett you have to care. I need you to. Please Rhett I can't do this. Please don't leave me again. Rhett, I was wrong all these years. I've loved you much longer than I realized. Oh, Rhett please, stay." Scarlett's voice was pleading as the tears continued down her face.

"Scarlett, to be honest, I don't feel anything anymore. I can watch you cry, and it doesn't affect me in the slightest. I wish I could feel something, anything. But there is nothing. All emotion, all semblance of life dies with my daughter." He paused to stare at the condition she was in. "I think you should be heading to bed. People will start talking." He offered her his hand, but she trembled even as she reached her hand out.

"Just leave me here, Rhett. I'll be fine." She told him when she realized that her legs would not support her. She was too tired, too weak from everything to be able to face those stairs now. She had gone through too much, and she was too close to the edge of hysteria to prevent anything from happening.

Rhett didn't hesitate as he lifted her into his arms and carried her from the room. He held her away from his body, as if a touch from her was the end of him. And with the immediate situation taken care of, Scarlett retreated into hysterical sobs. And then Rhett had no choice, but to pull her closer to his body into the shelter of his arms and offer her the comfort that she was in such obvious need of.

Oblivious to anything but the grief that had been mastering her, she clung to him. She clung to his shirt, the material bunched in her hands as she desperately held on as if for dear life. Her hot tears soaking the thin material, providing little shelter from the onslaught. She cried unintelligibly, muttering words that made no sense. But somehow Rhett knew that he was the cause. She needed him deserately. But he had nothing to give. He was empty inside. There was nothing left. Bonnie's death and the end of their marriage had stripped everything away. And he was raw with the pain.

For a moment the thought occured to him, that there had only been two times that he had carried her up these stairs. But he refused to allow himself to dwell on either situation. He simply couldn't allow himself to feel anything for the pain was more than he could handle. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, he turned and carried her to her bedroom. And then he stumbled through the doorway and lay her on the bed. For a moment he felt a faint twinge of longing to lie beside her, but he pushed it away. And then he bent and gently kissed her forehead with a soft brush of his lips before turning to leave the room.

"I want you to live and be happy Scarlett. For all of our sakes, please, be happy." His voice was soft, and almost wistful as he spoke. And then he left the room, disappearing through the doorway before he left their house for good.


	4. Chapter 4

Up From the Ashes chapter 4

As his lips brushed against the tender skin of her forehead, she closed her eyes. Savoring the feeling, not knowing how long until she was near him again. She listened quietly, as he left, whispering soft words, asking her to be happy. How could she be happy without him? How was that supposed to work? She had finally realized the depths of her feelings, and yet he had spurned her advances. He had rejected her love, so of what worth was it?

She tried to think of something, anything other than his absence. But it filled her mind. Although today had been a terrible, horrible day that she longed to forget, she was afraid to sleep. Afraid that the nightmares would return, and there would be no one to soothe her. No one would chase the nightmares away.

What had caused Ashley to act the way he had? She knew that he would regret it in the morning. He would hate himself for the way that he acted. He seemed terrified and animalistic as he begged her for the use of her body. He had been a mad man, a stranger she had never seen before. She knew that loss could drive someone to insanity. She should have seen the shades of this the night that Melanie had died, but she should have seen the insanity in his eyes back that day in the orchard at Tara. She had been crazy then as well. She had been desperate to save Tara, she had to have been desperate to offer Rhett what she had offered. But she couldn't think of those dark days now.

So she tried to think about the children, tried to think about what they might need for the future, anything to distract her, anything to keep from sleeping. With a rare moment of clarity, she saw that she hadn't ever spent enough time to even get to know her children. Bonnie was gone. She couldn't be replaced, but she did have two other children that had stayed by her side. She needed to find a way to get past her annoyance, and focus on them.

But her exhaustion would not be denied. And slowly sleep stole over her features and she faded into oblivion. At first she was silent, she slept the sleep of the exhausted, but then the traumas of the day and the year and of a lifetime began to assail her. She tossed and turned, moaning in her sleep. Flashes of her life, all jumbled together ran through her head.

"No..." she moaned. "No, Big Sam... where are you?... Rhett, no!" tears spilled from her eyes, even though she was totally unaware. "No, Ashley!" she cried. "Just like pa!" she screamed as Bonnie flew over the bar. Then she watched as Melanie's face grew still, combined with the images of Melanie suffering through child birth on that last day in Atlanta. The Yankee deserter stood before her, ready to attack her. She continued to moan and cry in her sleep.

She finally awoke, the bedding twisted around her, soaked in her own sweat. In the darkness she could see the darkness that had enveloped her as she waited in the dark to see if Tara still stood. The darkness of that night, while Rhett was still beside her, as the fire of warehouses faded behind them. The terror, the panic she had felt that night returned with startling clarity.

Finally she rose from the bed, desperate to shake herself free from the nightmares. She couldn't do this. She was too afraid of the nightmares returning. She had to find something new to focus on, something to so exhaust her so that instead of focusing on the past, that she focused on survival. She paced the room as she wracked her brain, trying to find something to cling to. She had to find something new to think about.

So she turned onto the topic that she felt comfortable with. She ventured inside her dressing room, dragging everything from its recesses. Maybe she could dull the pain, by reinventing herself. And in no area was she as confident as in her wardrobe. She tossed aside elaborately embroidered dresses, and dresses encrusted with fine jewels and golden threads. It wasn't until she went back into the dressing room that she discovered the dressing gown that she had been wearing the day of the accident. Why would they have kept it? Despite all of the talents of the servant that did the laundry, there were still stains of blood, the only evidences of the child who had never been born. But there was more evidence. There was more proof that she was wasn't alone in her fault.

She rose from the heap of clothes that littered the bedroom floor and rushed out of the room. The stairs. The carpet still bore evidence of that treacherous argument. Scarlett rushed down the wide staircase and knelt on the floor at the base of the stairs. One of the servants had artfully placed a rug to disguise it, but it was still there.

She pulled the rug away and then she began to tug at the carpet that was tacked to the floor. It had to go, she didn't want it there. She couldn't deal any longer with the evidence of the reality of her nightmares. She was living a nightmare. That day he left, Only two days prior, her nightmare from during the war had been realized as she ran through the fog trying to catch him, the fog almost chocking her.

She pulled and pulled at the carpet, trying to dislodge it. The tacks pierced her skin as she tugged, digging her nails in, trying to eliminate the memory of what had happened that day. If that baby was still here, Rhett wouldn't have left. She wouldn't be alone. Maybe she would have finally realized that she had loved him for years. She had even wondered if she might be in love with him back in the early days of the war. Why had she been such a complete fool? Why had she dismissed it, confident that she was in love with Ashley? And why had she held on to that dream for so long? It had robbed her of the chance of happiness with Rhett. It had been the only dream she had left to cling on to. Her love for him had been her only hope. And now she was nothing, only a shell of her former self.

She tugged all the more violently on the carpet, until she was rewarded with a ripping sound as the fibers began to pull apart. The tips of her fingers were bleeding, her hands had been cut during her attack. But she had one. She had won another battle. Her breathing was shaky as she began to stand. She would make one of the servants continue ripping this out in the morning... later in the morning. Now she could go back to her room and try to repair the damage she had done.

She was surprised when she came to the top of the steps to find Ella sitting in the darkness watching her. Scarlett stopped. "What are you doing, Ella Lorena? You should be in bed." Scarlett told the child harshly.

And in a calm, small voice Ella replied. "Mother, I heard you. I was worried about you. I was afraid you were hurt. You were crying."

Scarlett stared in horror at the child's words. Her child was worried about her. Why was that? Wasn't that the one thing that she prided herself on that her children would not live in fear like she had, but here was her six-year old daughter, afraid for her own mother.


	5. Chapter 5

Up From the Ashes c 5

As the sky slowly turned from darkest blue velvet to shimmering pale pastel chiffons, Scarlett wiped the last traces of tears from her eyes and rose from her bed, leaving the sadness and grief of her life before behind her. This would not stop her. She hadn't let the Yankees or war destroy her and she was not about to let Rhett Butler have that power. She had faced the death of both of her parents and of the life that she had loved. It hadn't stopped her. Neither would this. Above all else, Scarlett O'Hara was a survivor.

For a moment she worried about how Ella must be feeling after what she had witnessed in the darkness of the night. But the thought did not stay long, instead Scarlett's mind whirled as she tried to make a plan as to what she needed to do. She paid no attention to the cuts on her finger tips, other than to wash the dried blood from her hands.

The simple facts were that Rhett didn't want her and Melanie and Bonnie were gone. So now everything was up to her. All responsibility fell upon her shoulders. But she knew that she would find a way to manage. She always had found the strength to continue on.

It galled her more than anything that she had lost Rhett. She was not one to take a loss lightly. She never had been a good loser. She had raced up trees with the boys in the county, and beaten them. She had challenged anyone willing to a foot race in front of Tara, and rarely had she lost. Generally she chose opponents that she knew she had a chance to best. She also would race anyone she could find on her pony. Suellen and Carreen had been busy inside being good little ladies while Scarlett tore around the country side like a wild heathen. But she had always come home victorious.

So she rose from the bed, ready to take on the world, her eyes narrowing in grim determination. She called for Prissy to come and help her prepare for the day. She needed to look her best. She needed something to be happy about, something she could take pride in. She was very careful in her attire selection. It seemed oddly important, how ever shallow it was when juxtaposed with everything else that Scarlett was facing.

Just as Prissy was putting the final touch on her hair, there came a tentative knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Scarlett called.

A thin, small voice called out. "Ella Lorena."

"Come in, darling." Scarlett cooed. She knew that she needed to charm her daughter, and if Scarlett understood anything, it was how to charm. The child had to be terrified at the state she had found her mother in the night before. Scarlett was embarrassed at how she must have appeared.

The door opened, just enough to allow the child in and allow Prissy to slip out, and she slowly made her way across the carpet. "Mother," she said softly. "How are you?" The concern was evident on her face. Her eyes held both fear and worry in equal amounts.

Scarlett smiled at her, "Mother is fine."

Ella took in her mother's appearance, and nothing seemed amiss, other than faint shadows under her eyes and the redness contained with her eyes.

Scarlett held out her hand. "Ella, really, you don't have anything to worry about. Mother had a bad dream last night." Scarlett tried to reassure the child, as if she could in a few hollow words make up for her lack of attention in prior years, and for the way she had broken in the darkness.

"Where is Uncle Rhett?" Ella questioned.

This was the question that Scarlett knew was coming. But still she paused and stammered in a very uncharacteristic way, "Umm,m, I believe that he is in Charleston now or he will be on his way to Charleston. But he was here last night."

"When?" Ella asked in confusion, since she had not seen him.

"He... well... he came to see me right after I had another visitor." Scarlett continued.

Ella paused for a moment, staring into her mother's eyes. She still knew that something wasn't quite right, there was some detail amiss that she wasn't catching. "But why didn't he stay here? That's what the other daddy's do."

Scarlett's hands rose and circled at her temples, relieving the headache that was beginning to build on this series of questions. "He had to leave town last night for business, Ella. Now run along please, it will be time for breakfast soon." She was evading the question, but she knew that this matter wold have to be addressed. She had to tell the children, even if she told no one else. Rhett had left, and no deceit or trickery was going to hide it from them.

Ella again paused for a moment before following her mother's instructions and slipping outside the door, leaving Scarlett alone with her thoughts. She still didn't know how to explain the situation to Wade and Ella. She didn't know how to tell them that she had been defeated. But she would find a way. And then she would find a way past her momentary defeat. It wasn't over yet, not as long as she still had breath in her body.

After a quiet and subdued breakfast , Scarlett asked the children to meet her in her office. No one dared to comment on the torn carpet at the foot of the stairs, already one of the servants was tearing out the carpet, ready to prepare it to be replaced. Both children were wary, because it was an unusual request. Generally there mother was not very hands on, and generally left them to the care of the servants. But they followed her reluctantly.

Scarlett seated herself at her desk, and then motioned for them to find a seat as well. She looked at their curious faces, and then cleared her throat. "Wade, Ella, I think that you deserve to know, that your Uncle Rhett has decided to leave me. You know our marriage was never perfect, but he will be back to see you and to keep down the gossip." Scarlett paused, searching each of their faces, trying to gauge their reactions. Finally, she continued, "But we will continue living here like nothing has happened. There is no reason that anyone else needs to know about this. Do you have any questions?" Scarlett stopped waiting for one of them to react.

Finally Wade raised his head, his dark eyes boring into hers, "Mother, why did he leave?"

It was a simple question, but there was no simple answer for it to be found. She closed her eyes to block out the pressure that was beginning to once again fill her head. And they all three sat in the silence, waiting for someone to speak.

Finally, Scarlett broke the silence. "Because he didn't think I loved him."

Wade interrupted, "He didn't think you really loved Uncle Ashley, did he? He knows you better than that, doesn't he?" His voice cracked as he spoke, seemingly stunned that anyone could believe that. "But Aunt Melly, told us all about that silly story. If Aunt Melly knew, then why didn't Uncle Rhett?" He seemed angry at the prospect that Rhett would believe what Wade was certain was an outright lie. "You don't love Uncle Ashley. That's just ridiculous." He dismissed the notion with a scoff.

Scarlett stared at her son, he believed her so completely. He had absolute faith in her. It was odd to have someone who trusted her so completely, even if he was a little afraid of her. And she was dumb founded by his question. Then she shook her head wearily, "I don't know, Wade. I just don't know."

Scarlett heard a faint muffled sound, and was surprised to see tears dripping of off Ella's chin. It was Scarlett's turn to comfort her child. "Ella, what is wrong?"

"But why?" Ella's small voice cried out.

Scarlett turned to the child. There was something in her voice that Scarlett recognized as something she heard in her own voice. Tears were beginning to run down her cheeks and dripping onto the collar of her pink dress.

"Why doesn't anyone want to stay with me?" she cried, her small shoulders shaking from the sobs.

Scarlett looked at her in surprise. "What do you mean, Ella?" Up until that point, Scarlett hadn't really considered that her children had lost everything that she had lost, as well. And they hadn't the strength of years of injury and survival. They hadn't needed the strength because they had had both Aunt Melly and their remote mother.

"Bonnie left. She was my best friend. And... And... Aunt Melly left. I need Aunt Melly. And... And then...My daddy died, and I didn't even know him. I don't... don't... even know what he looks like... And now... Uncle Rhett left me. And... and... Mr. Butler... Am I a bad girl? Why ... why did they leave?" She cried it out in shuddering, gasping sobs.

Scarlett continued to stare at the child, completely unsure of what to do. And then finally she rose and knelt beside the child. She took the handkerchief that Rhett had left her, and began wiping the tears from Ella's red face. Then with the other hand she smoothed the hair from her face.

Ella instinctively lunged for her mother, and buried her face in her mother's chest. Scarlett continued to awkwardly pat the child's head as that seemed to be the right thing to do. Wade sat stoically in his seat, although a single tear had slid down his face, that was trying so hard to be impassive as Rhett's.

Then Wade rose from his seat, turning from the sight of his mother comforting his sobbing little sister. It was such an unusual scene to him, but he didn't want to face it. He didn't want to have anything to do with it.

Finally Ella sobs began to subside, replaced with sniffles and sighs as she fought to get back in control of herself. "I'm sorry mother, for getting your dress wet." She offered with lowered eyes.

Scarlett smiled weakly, "It's fine, Ella. Now why don't the both of you go back up stairs and get ready for your tutor."

Ella offered her mother a hug before heading up the stairs. Wade stared at his mother with his gentle eyes. Once Ella was gone he spoke softly, "I'm sorry, mother. You didn't deserve this." then he turned away and started out the door.

Scarlett watched him, "Thank you, Wade. Thank you."

Wade had just left the room, when a knock sounded at the door to her office. Thinking it was Wade, she muttered, "What did you forget?"

She was surprised when she looked up to discover that it was not Wade standing in the door, but a red eyed, embarrassed looking Ashley Wilkes. He held his hat in his hands as he stared at the carpet. "Apparently, I forgot myself, Scarlett. I behaved terribly last night. I had no right. I am thankful that your husband returned at the moment that he did. I was no gentleman, Scarlett. And you didn't deserve that. I let my emotions get the best of me. Melanie would have been so ashamed. I am so ashamed."

Scarlett stared at him, surprised that he was already showing up to make amends. "Ashley..." she began.

But he cut her off, "Scarlett, please don't try to make excuses for me. There is no excuse for how I acted. Yes, I miss Melanie, I miss her so much that I wanted to escape, but that in no way excuses what I did. For all I have accused your husband of, last night, he was most assuredly the better man." He paused, the sunlight spilling onto his bent head. "I understand if you never want to see me again. And perhaps, perhaps I should sell the mills and move up North like I considered doing all those years ago. It seems so far away."

Scarlett, finally finding her voice spoke, "Ashley, you seriously wouldn't do that to Beau would you? He needs his family, now more than ever. And you wouldn't be happy there either."

"Do you think I can be happy anywhere? My son doesn't need someone like me around. What kind of example can I set for him? I am nothing that I want my son to be." He hung his head shamefully, refusing to even look into her eyes. "Do think I will be able to ever hold my head up again. I was terrible to you, Scarlett. And not just last night. Last night I was insane, completely crazy with grief, but before that, for years before that I had led you on. I had looked at you and lusted for your body. I wanted you Scarlett, even though I loved my wife. And by doing that I wasn't faithful to her, I did that to Melanie, don't you understand how horrible that I am. I wasn't emotionally faithful to my wife. Nor was I fair to you. I wasn't even fair to myself. I am the cause of the ruin of your marriage." He threw his hands up, "I did this to you. You are mourning for your husband's disappearance because of me."

Scarlett looked at him curiously, for she had accepted the blame for the situation onto her own shoulders. "I was at fault too. I threw myself at you. I prided myself that no one could resist me, but you did. You were a challenge. And I was a selfish child. I wanted what I couldn't have. I was surrounded by Beaus, and I could have had any of them. I could have married Brent or Stuart or Cade or countless others. I could have allowed myself to be happy. But instead, I married Charles to spite you. You know that don't you. I married a man that I didn't love, just to make you jealous, because I couldn't have you. I could have been happy if I married one of the Beaus that I cared about, one of my friends that was like me, that understood me. But instead I stole Charles from Honey, and I married him."

Ashley stared at her in shock as she continued. "I'm glad he died. I am thankful that he never knew that I didn't love him. I wasn't thinking when I accepted. I was being a child. I don't know what would have happened if he had come back from the war."

"Scarlett, you loved Charles. I know that you did. Melanie always talked about how you used to cry when his name was mentioned, she was always so honored about how long you waited to remarry, even though you had plenty of men ready to offer." Ashley consoled.

Scarlett shook her head, "You don't understand! It was all a game. Marrying him was nothing more than a ploy to get your attention. I didn't think of anything beyond that." She paused trying to calm her breathing. "And then I was a widow with a child, and I was mourning for my life before. And I cried because I couldn't have you. Rhett once told me that I was a child crying for moon, that I wouldn't know what to do when I got it. He said that you didn't understand me, and that I didn't understand you." She looked up at him. She felt compassion for him, he didn't have the strength that she did, Melanie had been his strength. "I wish I had known it sooner. I wish I had seen it," she said softly. "I wish we , Rhett and I, could have had one day when we both loved each other and could say it. But we didn't have a day, we didn't even have one minute. And I regret that. But its done. And I have to still go on. I still have two children who depend upon me, and you have Beau. And Beau needs you. You are all that he has left."

Ashley shook his head mournfully. "Beau doesn't need me. Beau needs someone strong, someone like you in his life, Scarlett. This world would be better off without me. My child would be better off without me. You are the only reason he even made it out of Atlanta. I know that much."

"No, Ashley, if it weren't for Rhett, we would never have escaped, not with Melly and Beau. And you helped me. You helped make me strong. If it hadn't been for you, at least the dream of you, I don't know what I would have done. It was the thought of you coming home that got me through some very dark moments." Scarlett pleaded.

"No, Scarlett, the world needs more people like you, people that are strong and resilient. You will survive without Rhett, even if you may not like it. But I don't know that I will survive without her. I feel as if I am an exile, a lonely vagabond, wandering in a foreign, alien land, looking for anything familiar that I can cling to. " He looked defeated, his shoulders hunched, and his eyes downcast -- still as defeated in the first moments after Melanie died. "It's people like you, Scarlett, strong people with common sense and bravery to spare, that will rebuild the South. It's people with strength and courage, instead of ideals and dreams. You have what it takes to live in this world, and I am not certain that I do. I am not certain that I ever did."

"Don't say that, please. Ashley, you are a good person." Scarlett offered.

At this he laughed, "I am not a good person, Scarlett. More than once I nearly cheated on my wife, by taking you, using you as nothing more than a beautiful body. I am not a good person."

She shook her head trying to remove the words that he spoke from her mind. "But you are kind to everyone. Your son loves you. My children are terrified of me. They would rather spend time with just about anyone other than me." Scarlett confessed.

"But Scarlett, they also know that you can and will always take care of them. They have unwavering confidence that you will always provide for them. I can't give the same to my child. It is only by your hospitality that I have anything at all to give my son. You are the only reason I have the mills. And I am terrible running them. I am useless." He sighed despondantly.

Scarlett's eyes sparkled with the challenge, bringing life back into her face. "Then let us help each other. You and I are the only ones who know about everything that has happened. I need you to show me how to be kinder to my children, and I can help you be strong."

Ashley's face only held resignation. "Fine, Scarlett. Everyone else already thinks the worst of the two of us. Together we can do this, or at least you might be able to drag me through. But I'm not sure that even you can make me strong."

Scarlett smiled at him, "If I can survive this, then you can too." And a triumphant sparkle returned to her eyes, replacing some of the pain and fear and sadness. She had found that will inside of her that had brought her through the hell of the war and reconstruction, and Scarlett would always find the way to bring herself through.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note: Sorry it has taken me so long to update this. Night Before Tomorrow kind of took this story over. And I've also thrown out the original storyline that I wanted for this, so I'm going to have to do some serious rethinking. **_

With no one left other than their children, Ashley and Scarlett turned to each other. Scarlett needed Ashley to know that everything in her life had not disappeared, and Ashley needed the strength and beauty that Scarlett possessed. There was no romantic chemistry or attraction between them – no hidden tension that charged the air. They were all that each other had left from the life before.

There were moments when Scarlett wished fervently that her feelings for Ashley would return, that she could toss aside the love that had blossomed in her heart for Rhett, that consumed and perplexed her at its intensity. It would be so simple to be able to love Ashley and not deal with the hurts of her shattered marriage. Sometimes she wondered if divorce might be easier, for she knew that Ashley would gladly marry her, out feelings of safety and security and a sense of acknowledgment that he had had a hand in the destruction of the Butler's marriage. Life would be easier that way.

But Scarlett's heart would not agree. Even in his absence, Scarlett's love flourished. Now that she understood what this emotion was, she could not dislodge it, even though it tore at her, making her keenly feel his absence. What she felt was so distinctly different from the feelings that she had nursed for Ashley, that they really could not even be considered to be the same emotion. What she had felt for Ashley had never been love, she had not known what love was until she made to face it.

And so the time thundered past her with no thought other than the mundane tasks of each day. She ran the store, allowing Wade and Ella at times to accompany her. They seemed to be grasping the best way to maintain the peace and in turn she offered herself to them. It wasn't to say that Scarlett became the ideal mother, but instead she remained herself and her children looked to learn from her. She was still strong, she would do what needed done. And Ashley valued the time that she would spend with him at the mills, helping him to keep the business afloat.

They would at times meet in the park or take carriage rides out into the countryside with the children. There was nothing romantic about those times. It was simply two friends supporting each other when the bottoms of their respective worlds had fallen out. They two of the survivors of their generation, two out of the many that had once formed the foundations of the Clayton county social circle. They needed each other.

And then with a blast of frigid wind, November fell away to an icy December. And with the cold wind came Rhett. He arrived on December the 6th, bearing gifts for the children. He showed no reaction when he saw that his wife was entertaining her former love as the three children played around them.

"Hello, Scarlett. Ashley." He said unemotionally.

Scarlett rose from her seat as if to rush forward to greet him, but Wade and Ella moved more quickly. Wade hugged Rhett briefly, and then Rhett swept Ella up into his arms as she snuggled against him, burying her face in his chest. His eyes were cold as he accepted a kiss from Scarlett.

Ashley rose from his seat and started towards the door, but Rhett waved a hand at him. "Don't bother leaving on my account. I don't want to interrupt you."

But Ashley looked at Scarlett's face and shook his head. "I think Beau and I need to go visit Aunt PittyPat."

Scarlett nodded at him, her face pale as chalk. "Thank you for brining Beau over. I know that the children enjoyed the chance to spend time with him."

Ashley leaned forward and brushed gentle kiss across her cheek. "I'll see you soon." And then turning and shaking Rhett's hand he offered, "It was very nice to see you again Rhett. I know Scarlett and the children have missed you in your prolonged absence." There was an obvious accusation in his tone, he felt Scarlett's pain and he could see how it affected her. He could do nothing to salvage his losses, but Scarlett's still had the grimmest hope of being recovered. And with that he and Beau slipped outside the door, leaving Scarlett with Rhett as the children rushed up the stairs.

"I see you wasted no time in accepting my suggestion. Do you wish me to file the papers?" There was no mockery in his voice. He sounded relieved, as if ridding himself of her would remove the weight from his shoulders.

Scarlett starred at him, tears glistening in her eyes. "No. I don't want a divorce from you Rhett. I don't love Ashley; I love you."

"I'm sorry then, because I don't love you, Scarlett. I'm only here to keep the gossip down." He walked towards the door of the parlor, his shoulders sloping from fatigue.

"Are you staying for the Holidays then?" She questioned, "Or would you rather..." She bit her tongue. Bating Rhett was not wise if she wished to show Rhett that her love for him was sincere.

"Would I rather what? Spend Christmas in a whore house? Is that what you were going to say?" His eyes narrowed as he glared at her. "It probably would be more pleasant than being here with you, but I wanted to be here for Wade and Ella. With as much as has happened in the last year, I think that they need a chance to feel like a normal family, even if it is nothing but a poor illusion. I went ahead and purchased them gifts while I was in Charleston."

She stared at him, unsure of what she could do or say. "Thank you, Rhett. I'm glad that you thought of them. I'm glad you are here."

He nodded stiffly at her and than began his journey up the stairs as she watched with tears slipping from her eyes. She didn't know what she could do to change anything. Somehow she knew that the tricks and tactics that she had always employed would be fruitless when used against him.

The atmosphere in the house over the Christmas season was much like it had been before Melanie's death. There was an impersonal politeness of strangers meeting in hall and over the dining table. But never the less, the children were glad to have Uncle Rhett home. And he took them with him when he went out, leaving Scarlett to her own devices. She refused to be the one to confront Rhett and neither did he attempt to bridge the gap. It seems that they were at a permanent impasse. And it seemed that it would always be that way.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: Sorry that it's taken me so long to get a new chapter to you. I had to change my plans for this story. So now I have a little more direction. I do not abandon my fics. So here is an update, so Merry Christmas to all._

The new year dawned with a wind that whipped around the houses and buildings, sending all to seek solace inside and away from its icy blasts. But inside the Peachtree Street mansion, the iciness had permeated into the house as well. It was an emotional coldness, as impersonal as perfect strangers, but more biting. And within days of the new year dawning, Rhett slipped away in the night leaving Scarlett and children once again, leaving no forwarding address or a promise of when he would return.

Mid month, though the ground was slushy from the combination of melting snow and drizzle, Scarlett ventured out to the mill to see Ashley. The mills were still and the yard empty when she arrived. That fact in and of itself was unsurprising on such an inhospitable day such as it was. But when Scarlett walked into the office she found Ashley with his head bent, and his hands clasped behind his neck looking very concerned and time-weary.

He looked up as she shut the door. "Hello, Scarlett. What brings you out here in such inhospitable weather?"

"I couldn't stand sitting in that house any longer. It was near to driving me crazy. I had to get out of there, and where else was I supposed to go? My only other option was to go down to the store and harrass the clerks, as Rhett liked to put it."

At this Ashley chuckled weakly. "You do put the fear of God in those men. I think that there are men that would rather face Sherman again than deal with your wrath."

She smiled at him, thankful to see even a ghost of a smile on his face. "You looked upset when I walked in... is there anything I can help you with?" She asked.

"I don't think anyone can help me. You are a much better business person than I am. I'm running these mills into the ground." He confessed.

"Surely it can't be that bad.... why Ashley, you are much smarter than I. I can help you." She offered generously.

"No, by God, you can't help me. Don't you understand? If you help me then I have to admit again that I can't live in the real world. I can't survive in this post apocalyptic land. I would have been better off dead, better of dead at Gettysburg or Rock Island or the night that Frank died. At least then Melanie would still be here. She's who Beau and even you really need. I can't rely on a woman to save me every time I falter. Don't you see? I can't allow you to save me nor can I save myself. I am doomed." There was a lack of expression on her face that frightened her. It was the same look that she had seen on soldiers faces during the war. It was the look that they wore in those last hours of life when all hope for survival was gone.

"Ashley, it isn't that bad. It can't be that bad. It isn't like it was after the war. It can't be as bad as when I came to Atlanta to get the tax money." She pleading with him, fighting him to make him fight for himself. "Ashley."

At this he looked up at her. "I'll be fine Scarlett. I'll be just fine." He lied. Don't worry about me."

Scarlett sensed that everything wasn't quite right with him, but nor could she do anything else to help him. And so with an even more down trodden heart she did him farewell as she braved the treacherous conditions outside of the door. "Take care of yourself, Ashley. You know Melanie would want you to take care."

Ashley nodded with an even more strained expression, at the invocation of Melanie's name. "I'll be fine." He repeated with even less conviction in his voice than his prior utterance of the reassuring words. "I'll be just fine."

Scarlett drove the carriage from the mills, occasionally looking over her shoulder to see him still silhouetted in the doorway of the office. A feeling of dread settling in her stomach, as if she knew that this would be the last time that she would see him.

Wade and Ella were restless in the dismal weather that clocks Atlanta in its depressing shroud. They were active children who needed space to stretch their legs and spend their energy. Finally Scarlett came up with a solution that seemed to satisfy their needs without destroying the entire house. She opened the third floor ballroom and allowed them run freely. Beau was even more stifled in the tiny squat house behind Aunt Pittypat's, and so he too ventured up the third floor to release his pent up energy in endless races and games of tag that left all three children panting from the exertion.

Scarlett occasionally ventured up the stairs to watch them play, but she attempted to limit these times because ever since Rhett left, Ella had become an exceptionally clinging child. Gone was the silliness that had annoyed Scarlett at one time. In it's place Ella clung furiously to her mother whenever she was within sight. And when Scarlett left the room there was now always a tantrum resulting in a complete and utter meltdown that left the new mammy at a loss for what to do.

Exasperated by the tears and screeches emanating from Ella's mouth, Scarlett drug her down the stairs to her room in an attempt to calm the storm in her less than ideal way. "What on earth is your problem, Ella? You are driving us all crazy. No one likes little girls who are so hard to deal with."

Ella's lower lip quivered as she responded, "I don't want you to go."

"It's not as if I'm going any where. I do have things that must be done without you."

"But what if you leave. What if you go away like everyone else?" Her eyes were tear-filled, and for the first time Scarlett saw the fear hidden in the hazel depths.

"It's not as if I'm really even going far. All I have to do is go to the other room, and you begin screaming as if someone were beating you." Scarlett chastised.

"Everyone else left me." She cried plaintively.

"I haven't left you. Now stop acting as if every time I leave that you are never going to see me again." She said her temper growing short.

Despite her mother's anger, Ella seemed mollified by her mother's words. For despite her mother's sometimes offhandedness in her raising, Scarlett had never been one to lie. And that more than anything eased Ella's mind. She stared at her mother for a moment, an odd quiet moment shared between the two. It really wouldn't change the situation. It would only calm the storm for the moment, but it at least was enough for the moment. Ella might always be a clinging child desperate for the attention that she had not been lavished with in the span of her life. But it was enough for the moment.

And it had to be enough for that was all Scarlett had to give. She was so caught up trying to keep things from crumbling in combination with the fact that she never had been a very nurturing person. And so dealing with such a needy, clingy child only made her work harder and focus more on the things that she was capable of dealing with.

But life continued on in the Peachtree Street mansion, without a break in the monotony that had become their lives. And so a cold, biting January passed into a chilly and bleak February.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: No I know, I am only posting because Mad Steph finally posted a new chapter. In celebration I wrote this.... no... that 's a lie... here's the real reason that it took me do long to get a new chapter up. I apologize for such a lengthy delay in writing a new chapter. After I discarded my original plot, I lost focus on this story and I was floundering. Actually the storyline, though you will probably never notice went through many different changes. I think that I finally have a storyline worked out that I am happy with that also doesn't seem like I am ripping someone else's off. That was the problem with the original. After starting I discovered a story that bore great similarity to my original outline. So here is finally an update. I hope that you enjoy. And from here, I think that the story will be more interesting and will soon really get underway. And A very, very special thanks to CaptScarlett and Cornorama for sounding out my ideas with me and even looking at the possibility of poisonous snakes in Georgia that could bite Ashley._

Up From the Ashes Chapter 8

Ella sat contentedly tracing hearts on paper that had been water stained when it arrived at the store. Rather than discard it, Scarlett had reluctantly given it to Ella to use as she wished. Now the child was decorating the paper with red hearts and yellow suns. With Wade's help, she carefully was writing something. But what that message was, Scarlett had no knowledge. And she certainly wasn't about to stoop down to asking, even though she was beyond curious.

Ella's brow was furrowed in concentration as she carefully finished it with one last motion that looked like a half of a heart. "Mother?" Ella asked cautiously. "Can I send a letter to Uncle Rhett? I want him to know about Valentines Day."

Scarlett's head jerked up from the ledger that she had been meticulously pouring over. "I don't care!" She snapped, hating to be reminded of even his name, let alone his name in combination with a holiday celebrating what she did not have in conjunction with his name. "Do whatever you would like."

Ella shrunk a little into her seat from her mother's apparent anger, but she continued on painting and writing on a new piece of paper. Her mouth purses as she concentrated on making the card exactly as she wanted it to be ignoring her mother's annoyance.

But Wade was a practiced student of his mother's rapidly changing moods. She was trying to be a better mother. He could tell that she was trying. But mother only had so much control over her temper, especially when Uncle Rhett's name came up into the conversation. He wished that Ella would be more careful in what she said. But nothing could be done in regard to that at the moment, so instead he tugged on Ella's hand, "Ella, let go up to the ballroom for a little while. I think that mother needs some time alone." Wade interceded. "Don't you remember... you wanted to play on the piano for me. You learned a new song at your lessons." Ella looked up at him, confusion clearly written on her face, but she rose and followed her brother for rarely did he offer to listen to her plink out tunes willingly. So he hustled her out of the room, leaving Scarlett to dwell on the newly fallen silence.

She sat there continuing to comb through the ledger looking to see that all was right, but hearing Rhett's name had unsettled her. As much as she loved him, as much as she wanted him to be near, his presence only soothed the ache for a moment. For it seemed that as quickly as he arrived that he was immediately gone again. And that brief time was never enough. It only left her feeling more ragged and heart sore. And even in those moments when they were together, she could see that he was not the same man that she had fallen in love with. All of the good natured humor had dissipated until there was nothing left but the stinging barbs without the lightness that had once existed in his jests.

The site of Rhett still was intoxicating to her. She found herself all too often staring at the office door, willing for it to open. Yet stare as she might the knob did not turn, and he did not return to her. Ella's comments had also triggered her thoughts to dwell on the upcoming holiday of St. Valentines. For the first time in her life she was married to the man that she loved, and yet she would yet again feel alone that day. It wasn't as if Rhett had ever been a fan of the day, commenting that the day was for sentimental fools. But something inside of her longed to get a gift from him, a card even. During her youth, at least the last two years before the war, her mailbox had been flooded with cards and small gifts from beaus. But that life had ended the day that the war began.

She considered for a moment what she could do. She contemplated writing something pointless, some piece of poetry that would extol his virtues. Then even as she scratched the first line of drabble, she wadded the piece of paper into a ball and threw it at the fireplace. It was pointless. She was certainly not a writer, nor was she even a fan of poetry. And Rhett would laugh in her face if she handed him something like that. No she could simply ignore the day, pretend that it was an ordinary day. And in that way she could protect her heart.

On Valentines Day, she handed each child a small box of chocolates and opened the cards that they had painstakingly crafted for her. Ella's was simple and quite obviously the handy work of a small child still learning letters. But Wade's showed a maturity and depth of thought that was impressive in a twelve year old boy. His message was carefully written in a neat precise hand. The with which he had taken was unmistakable in the poem that he had written.

"Dear mother,

your eyes are bright green, your heart is quite true.

And thank you, my mother, for everything that you do."

Love, Wade.

She thanked both of her children, and then sent them off before she went upstairs to prepare for her day. There was nothing spectacular as days go in her plans. She would spend her day at the store, as she did every day. There was nothing unusual about anything she intended to do. And just as she predicted, the day was completely uneventful. She was annoyed by all of the giggling girls looking for ribbons and laces to paste to paper cards and love struck men searching for the right gift that might win a ladies heart but still be acceptable. The clerks were all in a flurry trying to keep up with all of the customer's various demands. There was nothing about the day that she could enjoy, and watching all of the love sick customers only deepened the hurt in her heart.

Finally the day was over and she retreated to the dark mansion to brood over the dismal holiday. After a lavish dinner with the children, they were all rewarded with delicate slices of snow-drift cake drizzled in chocolate. But the meal didn't set well with her. Her heart was too sick to enjoy it. She merely picked at the food, hoping that no one noticed, or at very least that no one suspected why she had no appetite.

After the meal was finally over she retreated to her room and poured herself a generous glass of brandy. Tonight was not the night that she wanted to think about anything, not the loss of Bonnie, not the loss of Rhett, nor the loss of the life that she had expected to live. She sat sipping from the tumbler, willing for the alcohol to dull her senses to hold the pain at bay for a little while. And finally it worked its magic, and she wearily crawled into her bed and closed her eyes. Her eyes were heavy and soon she was adrift in dreams and nightmares of churning fog and smoke.


	9. Chapter 9

Up From the Ashes 9

It was the same dream. The dream that had plagued her for nearly a decade now. She was running through the dense fog, her lungs constricting from the lack of oxygen. She could see nothing, only swirling indistinct clouds surrounding and enveloping her. Her chest ached for want of air. The dream had never hurt like this before. And it was hot, so very hot. In her dream, she was certain that she must be reliving the harried escape from Atlanta that came from the last days before her nightmares had begun. For the fog was no longer fog, it was now thick black choking smoke. And it seemed that every moment, with every breath, the smoke became thicker, strangling her like a vise around her neck.

There was a strange pounding in her head, even louder than the thudding of her heart as she struggled against the covers, and then a voice pierced through her dreams, "Mother! Mother! Open the door! Mother the house is burning! Mother! Wake up!" The voice cried. "Mother the house is on fire!"

She sat up abruptly only to find that the smoke and heat had not been a dream. The room was filled with black blinding smoke combined with the usual blackness of her bedroom at night. "Wade?" She cried out weakly, for she couldn't get enough air to make the sound much louder than a kitten mewing. "Wade!" She called again as she dropped to the floor beside the bed, gratefully gulping in large breaths of the air close to the floor. "Wade, I'm coming!" She cried.

Her sanctuary was transformed in the darkness to an alien land, everything was cloaked in indistinct shadows and veiled in smoke. She instinctively fumbled in the darkness for her wrapper, pushing it aside the thought of getting dressed, knowing that there was not time enough to dress. Everything was much harder when blinded, and the house would be falling down around them in a matter of minutes. It was all that she could do to stick her arms into the sleeves before beginning her journey across the cavernous space that was her chamber.

Crawling was not easy without the benefit of sight, nor was it made any easier by the trailing sleeves of her wrapper that threatened to make her stumble and the long train that snagged on each of the furnishings in the room that she made her way past.

The lack of light made it almost impossible to know what direction the door and exit were located. The heavy drapes that had seemed so luxurious at the time blocked out every moonbeam and trace of light from spilling its luminance to guide her path. The only source of direction was Wade's voice calling out for her, rattling the door handle futilely. She had locked it the night for as she had fallen into the habit of doing after Bonnie's birth. And now she was going to pay for that mistake.

Then Ella's thin voice joined with Wade's. "Go on!" Scarlett cried out. She couldn't allow her children to die trying to rescue her. "Wade! Take your sister and get out!"

"No!" he cried vehemently. "I'm not leaving you! You never left me!"

Then she heard loud thuds as if her small timid son was trying to break down the heavy door. The pounding was getting closer, so she knew with certainty that she was nearly across her room. Suddenly there was the sharp sound of splintering wood as the door swung open, and Wade rushed into the room. Never in her life had Scarlett been so grateful to see her son's face through the haze in the air.

"Mother!" He cried joyously. "Mother! We need to get out of here."

"Yes," she coughed out. "We do. Just let me grab something really quickly." She started to crawl out of the room when she turned back to Wade, "Did you get your sword?" She asked.

"Yes, mother. I've got it right here. For all you've already done to save it, I couldn't leave it behind. And I thought that we might need it." There was a maturity in his eyes in that moment that Scarlett was certain that she had never seen before.

"Take your sister Wade.... take Ella and get out of here. I'll be right behind you. Don't worry about me." She offered him.

He hesitated for a moment, "You will be right behind us. You won't do anything foolish, will you?"

"I'll be just find. Now go!" Scarlett commanded, and Wade tugged at Ella's hand and led her to the stairs.

Scarlett turned and looked at the door to Rhett's room. If this house burned to the ground, which as fast as the fire was moving, she found it impossible to believe that it wouldn't, but if it burned to the ground there would be nothing left of Bonnie. Bonnie's entire life had been spent living within these walls. A part of her craved and need a small piece of her child to cling to. There must be a photograph or a small portrait of Bonnie in Rhett's room. And in the moment, it was worth her life to have something to remember her child by.

The door to Rhett's room swung open easily in the strange leaping orange light. There on his dresser was just the image that Scarlett was hoping to find. It was clear and revealed some of the twinkle in Bonnie's eyes. She started to turn and leave with only the picture when she noticed that another photograph was lying face down beside it. She impulsively grabbed it and was stunned to see an image that had been taken on their honeymoon. For a moment she was immobilized by the joyful expressions on the both of their faces. How was it that it had all gone so wrong. She clutched the image to her chest, before grabbing Bonnie's favorite doll that was still sitting on Rhett's nightstand. She gathered the doll tightly in her arms, as if it were her child that she was protecting, rather than a play thing.

The smoke was getting thicker, and she could hear the fire crackling in the timbers. Orange flames danced in manic patterns outside in the hallway. She stumbled out the door, her lungs burning, and her eyes watering and stinging. She reverted to crawling on her hands and knees to the stairs as the roaring of the fire deepens and threatened to consume her. It was becoming so difficult to breathe.

She nearly wept with relief when her hand fell before her, revealing that she had reached the top of the stairs. But she knew that her battle was not over. She still had to make it down the stairs and out of the house before she would be safe. She cautiously backed down the stairs still afraid of what might happen to her. Progress was tedious with her impractical dressing down and the heirlooms that she clutched so tightly. But she refused to give up, even when it seemed that her chest could no longer find any air. She had to keep going or she would die here on the stairs where she had once managed to cheat fate.

Once she had loved the way that these stairs had looked, the sweeping majesty of their size. But now she regretted it. Now it seemed that the end would never come. Each inch she gained seemed to sap her strength more, but she refused to give up. "I'm not going to let this lick me." She whispered to herself.

She heard a strange noise and looked up to see the flames licking their way across the ceiling over her head. There was no salvaging anything now. The fire was consuming it whole. And the house would cave in around her if she didn't escape soon. There was a loud roaring in her ears, and it frightened her. She turned in a panic and began trying to make her way down the stairs more quickly. Surely the end was near. But her free hand got tangled in the trailing sleeve of her dressing gown, and she fell forward in a headlong rush. The air rushed past her as she tumbled, her stomach churning in revolt to the motion. She felt with sharp stabs of pain as the remaining stairs crashed into her side. It was her worst nightmares relived. She heard the sickening crack of a rib breaking and then a dull blackness as head hit the floor. She could fight no longer.

Wade turned around as soon as he and Ella were outside of the house. He strained his eyes watching through the smoke for mother to appear. But she did not come. Some of the neighbors had already gathered in the yard and on the side of the street peering anxiously up at the house, as some of the men had formed a bucket brigade to try to quench the flames. Mrs. Meade was comforting a terrified Ella, and it took the combined efforts of several men to prevent Wade from rushing back into the inferno for his mother. "You don't understand. She was right behind us. Let me go! Damn you! That's my mother in there. Let me go!" He screamed, enraged by his own impotence and infuriated that no one was trying to save someone who had saved so many.

"Your mother, would never forgive me, if I let you go back." Mrs. Merryweather tried to reason.

Hot tears sprung to Wade's eyes. "I can't lose my mother. Let me go! She needs me!" He railed.

And as he watched as Ashley slipped past the rest of the neighbors who were trying to fight the blaze to rush in to find Scarlett. No one tried to stop him, which only angered Wade more.

The roof was starting to give way to the hungry flames. Beams were crashing inside the house, and the spectators moved back from the house. Flames poured out of high stained glass windows and at times the entire structure was shrouded in smoke hiding it from everyone's sight for what seemed like minutes at a time.

Those neighbors who had been trying to fight the fire began only trying to save nearby buildings, for the house had already been too far gone before it had been caught. They were giving up, and Scarlett and now Ashley were still inside.

Wade relaxed for a moment, trying to fool his keepers, and then with a fierce burst of energy broke away. He rushed at the house like bull at a matador, and was only stopped in his mission by the site of Uncle Ashely carrying Mother in his arms. Her head lolled against his shoulder, and she still held something against her body, although Wade wasn't sure what it was.

Ashley gently lowered her to the ground and smoothed the hair away from her soot covered face. Dr. Meade rushed over despite his advancing years and began slowly patting Scarlett's face to awaken her. No one in the commotion had noticed the arrival of a dark figure who had only been there long enough to see Ashley emerge with Scarlett in his arms.

Scarlett's eyes fluttered open, terror and fear clearly reflected in them. She tried to sit up, but was forced back down by Dr. Meade and Ashley. "Bonnie?" She hoarsely whispered.

Ashley looked at her horrified, afraid that he was going to be forced to tell her that her child was dead, but Wade took the doll from her arms and looked at the picture that had obviously been what she had risked her life to save.

"Mother, Bonnie's picture is right here, and so is her favorite doll." He offered in a voice that held too much wisdom for a teenage boy to possess.

She had tears in her eyes as looked gratefully at Wade. She again tried to rise, but fell back to the ground crying out in pain. Tears began seeping out her eyes as all of the trauma of the day and the pain that now wracked her body seemed to settle on her. "Where is Ella?" She whispered.

"She's over there with Mrs. Meade. She's fine mother." Wade comforted.

Scarlett seemed to be falling back into unconsciousness with the knowledge that the children were safe and that she had survived the fire. Ashley sensing that she needed comforted regardless of the fact that she only in a nightgown and wrapper, gathered her into his arms carefully against his own body and held her as she cried.

"So, nice to see that you have decided to make it publicly proven fact. I'm sure that I can have the divorce papers ready for you to sign quickly, although I see that I might be a little late in presenting them to avoid another scandal." He slurred.

Scarlett turned tear-filled upon him and the surprise at his appearance and reaction was obvious. But Rhett was undetered by her pain, for nothing could make him hold in the rage and fury that he felt.

"Rhett," Scarlett whispered hoarsely, trying to rise and pull herself from Ashley's embrace. Her face was darkened from the smoke except for the small trails were her tears had washed the soot away. She reached out for him. "Rhett. please."

"No! I don't please! You think that you have the right to deny me a divorce and then gallivant about with this pathetic excuse for a man. I won't be played for a fool! Not by you, not by anyone. You can have your precious Ashley. I'll be glad to be rid of you. You know, I was almost ready to believe that you had changed. I'll give you this, you gave one compelling act. But it has in fact gone up in smoke now, hasn't it."

She took one swaying step towards him with one arm outstretched even as her other arm still protected the doll and pictures. He reached towards and her, and she felt a wave of relief. Surely he could see how horribly wrong he was interpreting this situation.

"What have you got there, risked your life to save a picture of your lover?" He asked coldly as he held her firmly by her arms.

"It's Bonnie's baby doll, and a picture of her. And there is a picture of us, from our honeymoon." She responded meekly in a hoarse, rasping voice.

Suddenly his hand was no longer supporting her, instead he was pulling the items from her arms and a manic gleam flickered in his twitching eyes. The doll's face had become smudged with soot. "You stupid witch. Can't you do anything right?"

"Are you all right, Rhett? Is something the matter?" She asked, aware that something was odd about him.

"I'm fine." He answered as a coughing spell hit her, but her ailments did not stem his flow of words. "And there is nothing wrong with me other than my unfaithful, harlot of a wife." He accused releasing her other arm, as his eyes jerked back and forth in their sockets erratically. She swayed backwards, and would have fallen if not for Wade's quick return. Rhett looked down at the pictures that he was holding. He snorted at the picture of him with his wife. "What a fool I was to think that you could ever make me happy." He moved as if about to throw the portrait into the towering inferno, but was stopped by a small hand on his arm.

"Uncle Rhett, please. Don't." Ella pleaded.

He paused for a moment and tossed the offensive photograph to the ground. "I'll be back at Belle's in case anyone needs to speak to me about the damage done to my property." He finished as he stumbled away without his usual grace of movement. Scarlett's slim hold on consciousness seemed to be fading, and Wade caught her before she slumped to the grass.

Dr. Meade instructed Ashley to take Scarlett to her Aunt PittyPat's house, that it was still Scarlett's house through Charles. Ashley lifted her up and carried her to her own carriage, for the carriage house was untouched. Dr. Meade's parting words offered a caution. "Don't let her push herself. She is likely more injured than we can tell for sure just yet. She inhaled a great amount of smoke, and many times that leads to pneumonia. This isn't over yet. She shouldn't be out of bed until at least a week has passed, and then not much activity for several days after that. I'll be by to check on her condition in the morning."

Ashley nodded at the instructions that he would need to pass on to India and PittyPat. And he knew that if Scarlett were any less injured that he wouldn't dare take her there. But there was no where else that he could take her, and so he acquiesced. Both India and Scarlett would have to endure each other until alternate accommodations might be made. Wade and Ella meekly climbed inside with their mother, both with red-rimmed eyes and raspy voices.

Rhett stumbled down the street with Bonnie's doll and picture in his arms like common drunk, trying to block out the images in his head of an injured Scarlett nestled in Ashley's arms. Reality and fantasy mixed in a swirly confusion that he could make no sense of.

"Damn her!" He yelled into the wind, causing dogs to howl at his disruption of the silence. "Can't she just stay out of my life!"

Finally when he reached Belle's he found a table in the corner and drank whiskey until he lost count of the glasses that he had consumed, and the memories disappeared into the oblivion that the alcohol provided him. And he slumped over onto the table in front of him.


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: Thanks to all of my readers. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of the first time that I posted a chapter of Gone With the Wind Fanfiction. It's amazing all of the wonderful people that I have met and the fun that I have had in this last year. You all make my life richer, and I want to thank all of you for it. I am so glad that I discovered GWTW fanfiction. And I hope to have some other stuff up today in celebration of that!_

Up From the Ashes Chapter 10

It hurt to breathe. It hurt to move. Each moment was agony. Sleep had eluded her all through the night as flashes of memories of searing heat and flickering, erratic light and crashing timbers. The only respite that she would have from this would be to faint into oblivion, and how sweet that seemed.

So the pounding on the entry door below did not wake her, since she had never taken her. And as early as it was, she couldn't help but be concerned that some other catastrophe had brought someone to the door before the sun rose. Although she knew that she should not rise, knew that this pain should keep her in bed, she disobeyed the wisdom and logic and hastily threw on a wrapper to see who was at the door.

By the time that she made her way to the top of the stairs, Prissy had already answered the door. Rising from the bed had sent such intense waves of pain that she had nearly fainted from them. But she would not be deterred, and sucked in small breaths of air so as to not further injure herself.

"Miz Scahlutt, is still sleeping." Prissy responded to something that the darkie at the door spoke. "She cain't go any where. She was hurt bad last night in the fire."

"Prissy!" Scarlett croaked imperiously from the stairs. She cleared her throat and continued speaking. "If someone comes this early, chances are that it is an emergency. Let him speak, and I will determine whether or not it needs my attention."

The boy was not more than twelve years old that stepped into the house. "I'm sorry, Miz. Miz Watlin' done sent me tah fetch you. Said Capt'n Butler wasn't quite hisself this mawhnin. Said you need to come right away."

His words frightened Scarlett. She couldn't imagine Rhett being so unlike himself that Belle Watling would send for his estranged wife to come to a whore house. "Tell Miss Watling that I will be along shortly. If Rhett is that ill then I must go." She said in a haunting imitation of her own mother. "Prissy I will need your help up here, so hurry along."

Prissy ushered the boy outside and then slowly followed Scarlett up the stairs slowly. But even in her lazy pace she was soon even with Scarlett whose face was pale and taut. "Miz Scahlutt, I doan think you should be going down to no whore house. Mister Ashley told us that you wasn't even pose to be outta bed for a week."

"If I wanted your advice, I would ask for it. Rhett needs me. I'm going. You are going to have to find some clothes for me, something for me to wear." Scarlett ordered.

"But Miz Scahlutt, Miss Pitty said that there was still dresses heah from before you married Mistuh Rhett. You cain wear one of those."

And Scarlett was relieved to find that she did still have clothes, even if they were old and black and horribly out of date, for everything else had obviously burned with the house. It was one of the things that had been churning in her brain throughout the night.

She struggled to slip into an old discarded corset that had been hers years before and cried out in pain as Prissy began tugging on the laces. The pain was so strong that she might have fallen if not for the post of the bed that she was clinging to.

"Miz Scahlutt. I din mean ta hurt ya." Scarlett moved away from Prissy as the fabric settled around her body. "Miz Scahlutt, you cain't wear this dress. Id' have to lace you tighter, and I doan wanna hurt you."

"Fine," Scarlett said as she began to try to pull the dress off. She winced as she moved, the pain racking her body.

Prissy worked in silence, and finally pulled a dress that Scarlett had worn when she was pregnant with Ella. It had been let out too greatly for her to have tolerated it under normal circumstances. But she was out of options and very worried about Rhett. Prissy hurriedly buttoned the buttons that ran up the front of the dress.

As soon as the task was completed, Scarlett made her way to the door. "Miz Scahlett, do ya think you should go? Mista Ashley..."

"I don't care what Ashley said!" Scarlett screeched. "Rhett needs me! I'm going to him! Get me a carriage. Just go!"

Prissy scurried away from her, and Scarlett followed at a much slower pace, trying to quell the nausea that came in waves over her as the pain seemed to echo and refract.

Wade slipped out of his room just as Scarlett slowly started to descend the stairs. "Mother!" He cried. "What are you doing?"

She turned her head to him, surprised that he was already awake as well. "Uncle Rhett needs me. I'm going to him."

"Don't be foolish! You are too injured to be out of bed, let alone going to where ever it is that Uncle Rhett has holed himself up at." Wade admonished.

"I have never turned my back on someone that needed me that I cared about. I'm not about to do that now." She challenged, too shocked by Wade's assertiveness to angry with the fact that he was arguing with her.

"You are going to hurt yourself worse than you already are. You could have died last night. You would have died last night if it wasn't for Uncle Ashley. Don't you remember how terribly Uncle Rhett treated you? Don't you remember the awful things that he said and did. He'll only hurt you more. You can't go."

"I am the only one who determines where I go and what I do. Don't try to act like you are the parent and I am the child. You need to learn your place. You aren't stopping me." She replied angrily.

But Wade did not back down, nor did he cringe as he once had. "Then I am going with you. I'm not letting you be hurt anymore than you already are."

"You aren't going. Your Uncle Rhett is at Belle Watling's place, and I will not allow you there. If you want to help me down the stairs and into the carriage I would appreciate it. But don't think that this kind of reaction is acceptable. It isn't."

The stairs seemed to tall, the distance to the door too great, the height into the carriage too high. Wade came down to where she stood and lifted her into his arms. He was surprisingly strong for his age. She floated in a daze through the pain, ignoring it as much as she could, refusing to be stopped.

When the carriage pulled up behind Belle Watling's house of ill-repute, Scarlett was in a daze. But she gingerly pulled herself to her feet and allowed the groom to help her down. The back door was unlocked, and Belle was immediately there to escort Scarlett to Rhett's room.

"I don't mean to be rude, but you look like Hell. I thought Rhett was bad off, but I don't think you should have come." Belle commented.

"You said that something was wrong with Rhett. Just take me to him." Scarlett said through clenched teeth. The pain seemed to be rising and swelling.

Belle started up a narrow staircase, and Scarlett stood for a moment dumbly watching her. Belle was several steps up before she turned around and realized that Scarlett wasn't following. There were tears on Scarlett's face. "I'm sorry." Scarlett whispered hoarsely.

"Are you really hurt that bad?" Belle questioned, a rare moment of concern for the well being of the woman that she had for years considered a rival for Rhett's attention. But it was clear that Scarlett was in more pain than she was willing to say. If she was even allowing her pain to show, than it was probably more than any human should ever endure. "Would it bother you if I had someone carry you up the stairs?"

Even though she had been the one to make the offer, Belle was surprised when Scarlett finally nodded her head in agreement. Belle motioned with her hand and a girl appeared. Only a moment after the girls was dismissed, a burly man appeared and carefully picked Scarlett up and took her up the stairs.

Belle seemed to be staring at Scarlett for a long moment before opening the door that she had been set down in front of. The door swung open easily, revealing a dimly lit room littered with liquor bottles dirty plates. Rhett was pacing back and forth across the room. "Damn it, Scarlett." He said as she walked in the door appraising her with his usual air of confidence. "You look like hell. What are you doing here? And What the hell are you wearing?" He asked as he took in her old dress that was completely out of style and ill-fitting. His eyes were still jerking in their sockets as they had the night before. But it seemed to be the only thing about him that was amiss.

Scarlett looked at him for a moment, unsure of what Belle had considered to be such an issue as to drag her down to a whore house when her entire body felt as if she had been run over by a horse and carriage. "Belle said something wrong with you."

"I don't know what she was talking about. I'm fine. I'm surprised that you would come here after the way I treated you the other night." He seemed concerned with the bruises that discolored her face. "Did I do that to you?" He asked as he stared at her looking nothing like her usual strong and confident self.

"No." What was he talking about? She wondered and then she thought of their argument, "Well there might be bruises on my arms, but they are nothing compared with my ribs." Scarlett told him.

"How the hell did you hurt your ribs?"

She blinked her eyes, "the fire." She said in confusion.

"What fire?" He asked in astonishment.

"The house burned last night, Rhett – the mansion. You were there. I must have fainted and fallen down the stairs when I was trying to find my way out. I don't know what would have happened if Ashley hadn't come in and found me. He had just carried me out of the house when you started to accuse me..." She paused as there seemed to be no recognition in his eyes. "You were there Rhett. Don't you remember."

"Are the children all right?" He quickly asked.

"Wade and Ella seem to be fine. I sent them out ahead of me while I gathered a few things." She told him.

"But what of Bonnie?" He asked.

The silence between them was deafening as she looked at him in horror; she was afraid to speak. Her eyes darted nervously around the room until they settled on the porcelain doll that had been one of Bonnie's favorites. Rhett's eyes followed her gaze and settled on the smoke stained toy.

"Oh God!" He exclaimed. "Was she hurt?" He stopped pacing to stare at Scarlett's white face.

"Rhett, Bonnie's dead." She said not understanding the situation. Tears began seeping from her already red-rimmed eyes, for it still hurt to admit that the child was gone.

"Oh, God no!" He cried. "Why didn't you get her out? What kind of mother leaves her child in a burning building? Or was she with you when you fell down the stairs. Is that what caused it? I knew I should take her away, I was going to go get her this morning and leave."

Scarlett's breathing rate increased, and her lungs constricted. "Bonnie died last summer Rhett. She was riding her horse. She tried to jump.... Oh Rhett, I am so sorry."

He looked at her dumbfounded for a moment. "What the hell was a two year old doing jumping? She wasn't old enough to be riding a horse. She hasn't even been walking all that long."

"Bonnie would have turned five in a little over a month."

Rhett shook his head, "No that can't be. That just can't be." But the smoke seemed to be clearing from his mind, and he seemed to be beginning to accept it. He sat down on the bed heavily cradling his head in his hands. The memories of the time since Ashley's birthday party seemed to be rushing him and sucking him under with their weight. "She's really gone," he whispered softly.

But the stress was becoming too much for Scarlett. She stood in the middle of the room trying to figure out what to do to make sense of this terrible situation. But her chest and ribs hurt and her head was feeling fuzzy. The discreet coughs that she had tried to quiet grew in intensity and frequency until she was crying in pain as each cough racked her battered body. She coughed and gagged until she emptying the meager contents of her stomach into the chamber pot that sat in the corner of the room. Each heave sent her into move dizzying waves of pain.

Rhett watched as a coughing fit seized her. She was moaning from the when he finally rose and drew her to himself, knocking over a vase in the process. He wiped her face gently. "I think you need to be seen by Dr. Meade," he told her softly. "Or has he already seen you?"

"He saw me last night and sent me to Pitty's. He said I have broken ribs and smoke... inhalation...." she explained.

"I don't think that you should be here, and I am guessing that Dr. Meade told you that you were supposed to stay in bed." He seemed in control as he swept her up in his arms.

"I came because I thought that something was terribly wrong with you. And I couldn't sleep, I was too worried and I hurt to much to look for Aunt Pitty's swoon bottle." She told him.

"Damn you, Scarlett. You are going to kill yourself. I'm taking you to the National. I can't imagine that you would choose to spend your time recuperating in the same house as India Wilkes. And apparently I need to order you some new clothes, and I would imagine for the children as well." He said as consciousness seemed to be slipped from Scarlett.

"yes," she whispered, completely compliant and malleable. She was in too much pain and too exhausted and confused to fight him. "Are you all right, Rhett?"

"I'm a damned site better than you. Just try to relax. You need to be resting." He spoke soothingly as she nodded and leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

He slipped out the door but stumbled as he carried her down stairs. Their carriage was still there waiting, and he climbed inside and instructed the groom to head to the National.


	11. Chapter 11

Up From the Ashes Chapter 11

A they made their way to the National, Scarlett's head was cushioned against his shoulder, felling much too heavy for her to lift. She had little awareness of the city passing outside the confines of the closed carriage. Time seemed to be standing still and the aching in her chest was only worsened by the weak coughs that kept erupting from her throat. She moaned softly, unable to stem the sound from rising.

"Am I hurting you?" Rhett asked in response to her groan.

How odd he was acting now. This kindness and concern was placed in odd juxtaposition with their encounter from the previous night. But she was weary and in pain and she needed to lean on someone, and who better than her husband.

"I just hurt all over," she rasped.

The carriage hit a deep rut in the road, and she moaned again from deep within her throat. Her face felt more pinched and white. And then the carriage began to dim and quiver along the edges of her vision until another wave of pain singed through her body like lightning on a stormy night and she could hold on no more.

She awoke to find herself tucked into a soft bed while Rhett paced back and forth across the far end of the unfamiliar bedroom. She tried to pull herself into a sitting position, but another wave of pain washed over her so that she fell back to the bed.

But her awakening did not seem to go unnoticed by Rhett. He rushed to her side, staring intently into her face. "Are you all right?" He asked.

"I still hurt all over?" She returned hoarsely. Looking the surroundings she asked "where are we? Is this the National?"

"Yes, We're at the National. You fainted during the drive over and I sent for Dr. Meade. He should be on his way. I didn't want to leave you alone while you are in such a condition." He said gently. "While he examines you, I'm going to retrieve the children. If what you say is true, then they must be unsettled by everything going on." He rose again and resumed his pacing.

"If what I say is true?" She rasped angrily, able for a moment to disregard the pain as adrenaline coursed through her veins. "If? Do you actually think I would be fool enough to lie about our home burning to the ground. Would I ever maintain a ruse so completely that I would faint in your arms from being jostled in a carriage?" She snorted. "Yes, Rhett obviously you think that I am that much of a fool." But the angry outburst sapped her energy and she began coughing again, deep rattling coughs that even alarmed her.

Rhett was again at her side, the mask slipping for a moment, allowing fear and worry to flicker in his eyes. trying to soothe her anger and calm her temper. "Shhh, I shouldn't say such things. No one would tell a lie that grand, knowing how easy it would be to be caught."

But his words did not placate or soothe, they only stirred the embers into a hotter flame, igniting an intense blaze behind her eyes. She choked back a cough before saying, "do you trust me so little? I can't make something like this up. I can still smell the smoke clinging to my skin. Do you not smell it?" She lifted a hand to her nose. "What is wrong with you? Why would you think so low of me as that?"

He stared at her for a moment as if confused. "I just can't understand how so much could have gone on, and yet you say that I was there and yet I recall nothing?"

"You were there." She sighed in defeat and leaned back against the heavy pillow. "But it doesn't matter now, I am at your mercy. It seems that I cannot even stand without your assistance at the moment."

He watched her from across the bed, his eyes trained on her unusually ashen pallor. "Was I so inebriated that the memory of last night has disappeared into a drunken stupor? How else am I to explain my memory loss?" He questioned.

She stared at him, with hard cold eyes, "I didn't smell alcohol on your breath, of course I was barely capable of breathing, so I might not be the most qualified judge of that. But you weren't acting like yourself. Something still seems as if all is not right with you." She continued to stare at him before another coughing fit momentarily stole her breath yet again.

"Well aren't we just the most capable pair today. You are so battered and injured that you shouldn't move, and apparently my brain is so addled that I can't remember something as earth shattering as the burning of my own home." There was a look akin to fear in his eyes as he spoke.

Scarlett was exhausted with battling with him. She didn't have the strength to handle it today, not now. "Rhett, please go get the children. Wade was quite worried about me when I left this morning, and you know how skittish and clingy that Ella can be." She pleaded.

He paused in his pacing to stare at her. "Yes, Ella can be clingy, but I have never seen her cling to you. In fact I'm surprised that you are aware of that habit of hers. You never have paid much attention to her."

"Well, perhaps things have changed since you left me after Melanie's death. I'm not a horrible monster even if I'm not the world's best mother. You abandoned them. I was all that they had left, and in turn they were all that I had. I love my children regardless of what you think. And my children love me." She said softly, her voice and throat weary from the coughing and pain.

Conveniently at that moment there was a knock at the door, and Rhett immediately went to it. As expected Dr. Meade stood there looking impatient and tired. "What was she thinking getting out of bed? Good grief, does she not understand that she in not immortal?" He vented in frustration.

Then he took in the sight of his patient laying on the bed, her face drawn and pale. "Scarlett, has it gotten worse since last night?"

She was silent for a moment before responding, "Yes. I'm sure that I shouldn't have, but they said something was wrong with Rhett, and I needed to go to him." She wheezed.

"Well, I expect for you to stay in bed. Under no circumstances should you be up. I'm concerned that you may have been exposed to more smoke than I realized or more than that that the smoke has injured you and penetrated into your lungs more deeply than I could tell. I'm going to be checking in on you at least once a day, but if you start to feel worse, if your breathing changes, send for me immediately. There is a good possibility that you might develop pneumonia from this. And the children also could be in danger." He cautioned with a grim voice. "You must take your injuries more seriously, or you might end up killing yourself."

For one of the rare times in her life, Scarlett meekly lowered her eyes respectfully in deference without a trace of her usual coquettish charms or mockery. "I understand." She whispered. "It hurts too much to move anyway. Is there anything you can give me for the pain?" The pain was making her sick to her stomach and the tension between herself and Rhett was not easing that discomfort either.

"I'll leave some laudanum to try and keep the pain managed. But I can't stress enough that you must stay in this bed. I'll leave some written instructions for dosages and other instructions." He said as he began scribbling on a tablet. "Now follow these directions to the letter. Your health is precarious at best at the moment, and if you choose to ignore me, you are taking your life into your own hands."

Scarlett nodded again. "Of course." She closed her eyes for a moment before they flew open again. "Dr. Meade?"

The older gentleman nodded.

"Did you notice anything odd about Rhett? He remembers nothing of last night, and this morning when I went to him he didn't even remember that Bonnie had died."

Rhett's voice floated back in from the sitting room, "I'm fine There is nothing wrong."

Dr. Meade also assured her. "I'm sure that it is nothing to worry about. You just need to be concerned with your own welfare and that of the children. If his symptoms continue then perhaps I will look more into the matter, but for now concentrate on yourself. Knowing his reputation, chances are that he was simply too deep into the bottle before he found you outside of the house."

She didn't agree, but also realized that to argue now would help nothing. So she nodded slowly before closing her eyes as Dr. Meade held a spoon to her lips. The liquid flowed a smooth path down her searing throat. She remained silent as she heard Dr. Meade move away from the bed. And she continued to listen as the drugs began to take effect as Dr. Meade gave the instructions to Rhett in the other room. The words began to blur and make no sense until it was only a muffled sound that held nothing recognizable to her other than the occasional timbre of Rhett's voice lulling her back into the darkness. She could not hold on to lucidity any longer and fell into a dreamless, drug induced sleep.

Rhett had felt guilty for leaving her after she had fallen asleep with the aid of the drugs provided by Dr. Meade, but now guilt did not seem capable of expressing his feelings as he stood on the sidewalk surveying the crumbling, blackened ruin where he had once lived, the first place that had truly been his home since being kicked from his parents home in Charleston in his youth. Over two decades of wanderlust had ended temporarily here, any yet nothing was now left to tell the tale. The smell of the smoke eddied around him on a faint breeze, and he knew that the smell would cling to his clothing and his skin. He vaguely remembered this smell and he knew that for the rest of his life he would recognize this stench, the same smell that had wafted through the air in the path of Sherman's march to the sea. It was the fading essence of dreams turned into ashes and memories forever lost.

With trepidaton he stepped forward and stepped into the rubble littered with broken glass and fallen beams. There was nothing salvageable here. There was nothing left of the home in which Bonnie had spent the entire span of her life. There had been so little left of his Bonnie before, and yet there was so much less now. For now even her dolls and playthings and clothes were now no more than ash. Scarlett had saved a treasure when she had risked her life to save a portrait of Bonnie. He shouldn't have questioned her fidelity or loyalty. If nothing else, Scarlett was loyal to a fault to those that she professed to love.

He wondered for a moment at this morning, at the altercation between Scarlett and himself. His recollection of those moments was even choppy and disjointed. How could he have forgotten her death? It was such a traitorous thought, as if by that slip it showed that he had not really loved his daughter, as if he had not mourned her and left a piece of his heart in the grave with her. And not only had in those moments he forgotten her death, but also two years of her life.

He slowly picked his way though the charred remains broken glass and bits of brick and burned wood crunching under his feet, occasionally nudging things with his foot, hoping that he would discover some treasure buried here. There were still places where the embers of the fire still glowed, and smoke rose from the piles of debris in lazy wisps, as if time had no meaning.

He knew that it was possible that there might be a few scattered items that could be sifted out and squirreled away, but the chances of anything from the upper floors surviving was non existent. He hoped to find something to take to Scarlett, something that might help to make amends for his accusations of her deceit. And yet he still marveled that he had seen this atrocity burn, seen Scarlett covered in soot and barely able to stand, and yet not remember a thing. How was it possible? How could he have forgotten this? And he wondered if in fact he was losing his mind?


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's Note: I'm terrible, I'm sorry that I am more than a week later than I should be with this update. I was completely thrown last week because I shattered the screen on my laptop, and I just couldn't seem to write without it. And then other matters of life and death got in the way. But here is it, I hope yuou all enjoy it._

Up From the Ashes Chapter 12

Over the next several days, Scarlett tossed and turned and moaned in her sleep. But the most frightening aspect to her injuries were the frequent coughing spells that left her limp and weakened. Rhett sat at her bedside watching and occasionally wipe her brow with a dampened cloth.

Dr. Meade was a frequent visitor to their suite, but he could offer no words of encouragement. She was in danger of contracting pneumonia, and even for someone without injuries as extensive as she had sustained found it a difficult illness to combat.

Wade and Ella were in another suite with Prissy helping to take care of them. Both had developed mild coughs, but Dr. Meade assured Rhett that that was as expected. He simply told him that they were ridding the smoke from their lungs. But both were in good spirits, and both were worried about their mother.

"She's doing as well as can be expected, Captain Butler." Dr. Meade calmly informed him. "She sustained major injuries from the fall and that combined with all of the smoke that she took in I can't be surprised that she is feeling as unwell as she is."

"But is there anything that I can do to make her hurt less?" He asked worriedly as he paced about the sitting room of the suite.

"No, other than the laudanum, there is nothing else that I know of that can help. The only thing is that she rests, and her will of iron will overcome this. If she gets worse, of course, let me know. But she needs time and rest to have any hope of recovery." He watched Rhett as he paced, dark half moons settled under his eyes. "You know that it might be a good idea for you to rest as well. It won't help her any if she is worried about you."

"She's having nightmares, and I need to be at her side in case she gets frightened."

"Well, an experience like that can cause night terrors. I would imagine a good many men who lived through the war have them. Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done about them. They are a factor of life."

"You mean there is nothing that I can do? She is screaming in terror."

"Well there are methods that they utilize in England and on the continent, but I don't advise people to travel for them. They border on grotesque and immoral in my opinion." He lifted his nose in obvious disgust. "Has she only suffered from nightmares since the fire, or has this been a reoccurring problem?"

"She has had nightmares ever since the war." He admitted.

"Well then, did you ever comfort her and soothe her fears?"

"Yes, but I am afraid to move her, afraid that it will only hurt her more."

"Captain Butler, you and your wife have in the past made a mockery of good upstanding people everywhere. I would like to tell you to leave town and never return, but that is not my place. But I blame you, I blame you for your wife's descent into debauchery during the war and after. You have hurt her over and over. I am not blind. Don't think that I have forgotten about the incident when she miscarried. This time you need to be man enough to help her. If you must lie on the bed with her so she can sense that she isn't alone, then do so. As long as you are careful not to over jostle, I believe that the knowledge that she isn't alone might help matters.

Rhett nodded solemnly, "I understand."

"And after discussing matter with her, I think it would be wise for you to abstain from alcohol until she is well at least." The doctor added, "even as much as a cad as you were to her that night, she deserves to have your full attention, not an inebriated, jealous fool of a husband."

Rhett did his best to ignore the doctor's criticisms, and when he finally left the room, Rhett crawled into the bed beside his wife. Her skin was hot to the touch. Her brow was sprinkled with beads of perspiration. And as he lay beside her, she began tossing and turning. Her head jerked from side to side as hoarse cried escaped from her throat. The words were undecipherable, lost in a myriad of moans and tears.

So after rising from the bed and moistening a fresh cloth to lay on her head, he crawled back in beside her. Her cries only seemed to intensify, and he could hear the pain in her voice. He took her small hand into his own and gently rubbed circles onto the back of her hand, trying to soothe and calm her. And she did seem to respond to his gesture, but by now tears were streaking her face until they fell into her hair and disappeared. Her voice grew quieter, but the grief in her voice had not abated.

He moved his head so that is was sharing her pillow and he crooned soft words into her ear. But now, as close as he was to her, he could finally make out words from the tumbling flow, "Rhett, Rhett. Don't go." Her voice weakly was calling to him, in voice so weak and anguished that it was near to breaking his heart.

But his hand that was holding hers was not enough to shelter her from the demons that hovered about the room, she needed more than he was giving. Yet he was terrified that she would be hurt regardless of the way in which he helped her. Finally he gently took her in his arms because he did not know how he would remain sane if she continued to call for him so pathetically. And even as his arms snaked around her over heated body, her cries stilled and her body relaxed slightly. And she seemed to fall back into a more restful state as he crooned softly to her a lullaby that he had often sung for Bonnie when a nightmare had come and scared her.

And Scarlett slipped back into a light slumber as he continued to hold her to shelter her from the terrors of her dreams.

By the time that Dr. Meade confirmed that Scarlett indeed had come down with pneumonia, the first garments of a new wardrobe had begun to arrive. Both Wade and Ella had mild coughs, but the doctor had assured them that it was to be expected. But due to the coughs, they were spending a great deal of time indoors. Wade was content to read some of the books that Beau and Ashley had willingly shared with him.

But Ella was not so easily entertained. All of her expensive baby dolls and beautiful lady dolls dressed in rich wardrobes that were made just as Bonnie's had been, had been consumed by the fire. Her collection of picture books and her lovely hand painted tea set had also been lost. She didn't even have the piano to plink upon as she had always loved to do. "I want my mother!" She finally screeched at Rhett as he came into the sitting room where she was sitting dejectedly. "I want her, and you won't let me see her. You killed my mother! I want my mother!" She cried hysterically, her cheeks flushed and her eyes brightly danced with newly unleashed fury.

"No, your mother isn't dead, Ella. You mother is ill, but I'm not trying to keep you from her. I didn't want you to be worried about her. Shhh, Ella." He tried to placate.

"No!" Her voice rose shrilly. "No! Let me see my mother!" Her small fists suddenly began beating against him, her body locked in motion as she wailed.

"Ella, Ella!" He said, finally taking his hands to her shoulders and shaking her until her face finally turned up to meet his eyes and her hands stopped their rhythm.

She coughed and hiccuped and then finally began sobbing as he gathered her into his arms and stroked her back. "Shh, Ella, darling, I'll take you to see mother. You can see for yourself. Will seeing your mother make things right?"

Ella sniffled and nodded her head. "Yes," she said in voice that was still heavy with emotion.

"Wade, would you like to see your mother as well?" Rhett asked as Ella buried her face in her step-father's neck.

"Yes, sir." Wade responded, holding himself remote and aloof.

Rhett nodded, understanding the coldness in which Wade was regarding him. He couldn't blame the boy for the animosity that he was displaying. In fact if he were in the boys shoes, chances are that he would also be acting in a reticent manner. In fact if Wade were older and stronger, he most likely would have tried to fight to defend his mother's honor, if Scarlett's version of the story was true. Eventually he needed to have a man to man talk with the boy. But now was not the right time.

The children were silent as they entered into Scarlett's hotel suite. Ella had not seen her since the night of the fire, and Wade had only last seen her a few hours after. Their expressions were pinched with worry and fear as they sought to see another glimpse of their mother. She was lying propped up in the bed, her dark air neatly tied back from her face which was pale and gaunt. But as they entered the room, she opened her eyes and smiled at them. Her voice was reed thin, but it was obvious that she was pleased to see them.

"Ella, darling. How I have missed you." She cooed. "Oh, darling, sugar, don't cry." She added as the teary eyed Ella ventured closer to the bed with tears coursing down her face in a heavy torrent.

"Mama?" she asked hesitantly.

"Come here sugar." She instructed, as the child took slow steps towards her.

Rhett was merely steps behind, and then stepped around Ella and went to Scarlett's side where he waited protectively hovering to watch the reunion between Scarlett and her daughter. Ella seemed to be reassured by her step father's presence as finally she found her way back into her mother's arms.

"Mama, you're hot. I think you have a fever." She said worriedly after coming into contact with her mother's skin.

"She doesn't feel too well, Ella. But she wanted to see you. She is going to be fine. Your mother is very strong."

"I'm all right, sugar." she rasped, brushing Ella's tears away with her her fingertips. "Don't worry about me.." She assured her.

"But, mother," she protested, pulling away her mothers touch. "Aunt Melanie was sick and she died. You could die. I don't want you to die. Please don't die mother."

"I would never leave my babies. I won't leave you darling. If Sherman couldn't lick me, then you need not worry about this cold stopping me."

Rhett chuckled, but there was hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes that Scarlett recognized before his mask slipped back over his emotions. "The Yankees and war didn't stop her. If your mother says that she can handle it, then your mother can."

Scarlett winced as she rose from the bed, sore muscles protesting more than before from the disuse combined with the injuries. But she hid her pain from Ella as she pulled her onto the bed and tucked her in next to her. Ella needed the love and assurance that her mother was with her, and no words would heal that hurt. Scarlett held her sobbing child and sang in a raspy voice, a long forgotten lullaby that mammy had once sang to her. And Ella stilled within the safety of her mother's arms, while Wade stood across the room watching with fear and longing in his eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

_Author's Note: I wonder if I still have any readers? Its taken me basically 6 months to get this chapter up, which is ridiculous, and I apologize. There are reasons of course, but they really don't matter in this context. But in case you need a refresher, This is set after the end of the book. The Peachtree street house burned and Scarlett fell down the stairs trying to escape because she was trying to save a few of Bonnie's things. Rhett isn't acting quite like himself, he keeps forgetting things, even so far as to forget that Bonnie had died. Now Scarlett is ill from what we call smoke inhalation. Ella thought that her mother was dead so Rhett took Ella to see Scarlett. And that should pretty much bring you back up to speed._

Up From the Ashes Chapter 13

"Mother, I told you not to go. I wish you would listen to sensible advice once in a while. Uncle Rhett is not worth it." Wade chastised.

All eyes in the room turned to him. His face was pursed and he looked very much like a school marm scolding a recalcitrant child for grievous misdeeds.

"Now, is not the time Wade. It is not your place to speak to your mother like that. You are a child, and I know that you were raised to be respectful to your elders." Rhett spoke gruffly.

"No. I won't be silenced. I have stood back and watched as you have hurt each other over and over. But the fact remains that you hurt mother more that night than anyone should have to bare, and she risked her life by getting out of bed to try and help you. Someone needs to tell her to stop before she kills herself, and you obviously cannot be bothered by the task. You couldn't be bothered to be there when she needed you or when we did. Perhaps you were a father to Bonnie, but you are no father to us."

Rhett stared coolly at the arrogant child before him, making no move towards him. But Scarlett rose from the bed and with shambling steps made her way to Wade who as horrified to see her out of bed. She wheezed and coughed as she closed the distance, but Wade quickly went to her instead of allowing her to come farther across the room. "No, mother. You need your rest. You need to be lying down. Don't trouble yourself with me. You can punish me all that you want when you are well, but just work on getting better."

A coughing fit came upon her and she doubled over in pain. Rhett tried to step in and carry her back to the bed, but Wade performed the task instead. He gently lifted her and was very careful as he set her back on her bed. Finally knowing that there must be medicine for her pain he stepped away to allow Rhett to give her a dose.

Scarlett struggled for a moment, but finally gave in and allowed the sleep to envelope her as Ella snuggled into her side. Ella's small hands clutched at her mother's blankets and refused to let go. She was too terrified to leave her mother's side for a moment.

However finally both Scarlett and Ella were asleep and Wade had already left the room, having no desire to have any interaction with his stepfather. He would rather retreat into his books than deal with the issues that had already torn his family apart.

Rhett lifted Ella into his arms and handed her off to Prissy, knowing that they all could used Mammy's help now. But he knew that Mammy had paid her due and deserved to be left alone to finish out her last years where she wanted to be.

When he returned to the room, he found Scarlett still sleeping heavily under the influence of the drugs that he had administered, but she was still moaning in her oblivion. Her face was ashen and her fever seemed to be surging higher and higher, completely unchecked. The exertion of the altercation with Wade seemed to have sapped her of all strength, and Rhett knew that she had been fighting through the pain to rise from that bed. But he couldn't help but wonder at the strength that she had displayed in her attempts to calm the boy. Perhaps things had changed. Perhaps she had changed, but he was still too hollow and empty to embrace that change. No, he didn't know if he would ever be ready for that.

Finally he settled down and lounged in the chair, watching her as she took one raspy wheezing breath after another. But finally the stress of the day finally began to pull him under, leaving him completely unaware of the world around him.

It is the image that will not leave him, the image that was ever before his eyes. And it is his guilt in the matter, much beyond any sin or imaged indiscretion of Scarlett's that has him drowning in sorrows and grief. She was not wrong that he had killed Bonnie. Even if she had not said it. Even if no one had dared to utter those words, he would have lived with that pain for the rest of his life. There was no way to move past such a crime as the death of his child. And in those rare moments when visions of Scarlett could momentarily obscure visions of Bonnie's death from his mind, it was not visions such as he would like to see. If he could have chosen moments, he would have seen her as she was at Twelves Oaks before the war or dancing at the bazaar or even the hours that they spent together riding to the mills while she was carrying Ella. But instead the vision that he saw was of her body spiraling in wild rushed arcs as she tumbled down the stairs and the words that he had spoken were only accompanied by the high pitched terrified screams. And then even worse than the screams was the deafening silence that followed. For it was in the silence that his crime was most evident.

He jerked awake, his brow covered in a cold sweat. The labored sounds of Scarlett's breathing filled the room. She seemed to be struggling for each breath, and he knew that he needed to get Dr. Meade, but he was certain that if he left the room for even one moment then she would be gone. He had killed her children, made her suffer, but he was not yet ready to let her die. At least not if there was any way that he could prevent it.

He was powerless, frozen. There was nothing that he could do to help her, and yet he stood there staring at her willing that she would continue to fight. Each rasping, rattling breath seemed to echo in his ears along with the intensified pounding of his heart. It was stirring within him those hidden embers that he believed to have long since expired. And he was seeing the expanse of his life without her, and he wanted no part of such a world.

Finally the fear captured him and yet released at the same time. He sat and took her in his arms and held her upright leaning against him. Her breathing seemed to become a little less labored with the change in position. And he leaned his head back against the headboard and closed his eyes, fearing that when he awoke she would be gone.

She was cold and still in his arms and he knew that she was gone. There was no warm breath to fall upon his chest, and those emerald eyes would not open. "Scarlett. Scarlett. Wake up. Damn you. Don't die on me." and he remembered nothing else until he was outside under a stormy sky.

The air was chilly as they stood on the uneven brick path, just over the hill, he knew that there were rows upon rows of small white stones to memorialize the graves of the glorious dead. But he didn't care about that sacrifice at the moment. For his heart was in the coffin sitting only a foot step away. The old oaks scattered through out the cemetery provided little shelter from the elements, as it seemed that heaven had opened and was pouring out grief to match his own. He hadn't realized that he would miss her this much. But he had been wrong grievously wrong.

He awoke with start and a sharp intake of breath. She was still in his arms, it had only been a nightmare, hadn't it. He peered down at her, willing that she was still breathing. And he was pleased to see those haunting emerald eyes staring up at him, watching his face. "Oh, God Scarlett. I thought you were gone."

Her voice was almost nothing, but she whispered to him "I'm here, Rhett. I'm not going anywhere."

And then the tears came, tears of relief and grief and a lifetime of mistakes. "I can't believe I'm crying like a woman." he groused.

She only smiled and nestled her head against his chest. Perhaps the ashes had not defeated them after all.


	14. Chapter 14

_Author's Note: Happy Birthday CaptScarlett. All right this is later than I intended on all accounts. This chapter is dedicated to you as a birthday present. You did help so much with the brainstorming for this one that you deserve some credit and something to read. So I hope that you enjoy this, and take this as a second Christmas gift from me to everyone, even if it isn't the most joyful chapter. This story isn't a joyful story at the moment. But I do have very specific and unique twists to this story, that I think people will find intriguing. Its crazy that this story is going on so long, of course that is completely my fault, since I did go 7 months between updates. I am such a slacker. Oh well, Merry Christmas to all!_

Up From the Ashes Chapter 14

Over the next several days, she began to slowly recover. The hacking cough began to dissipate and without the fever natural color began to return to her face. Her appetite improved as well, which gave Rhett hope, for when Scarlett was eating he knew that she would be fine. Dr. Meade became more optimistic with each passing day. "I think she will pull through, amazing as it is. Take it as a warning, Butler. You won't be granted another reprieve." He warned in a cool voice.

Rhett seemed to take the blessing and the warning to heart, never straying far from her side. "Do you want to rebuild the house?" He asked as they spent the day together in their hotel room. She was propped up against a stack of pillows while he restlessly paced about the room.

She paused to consider before she responded, "Yes, but I want something different. The house, well, when I built the house, my only intent was to make everyone jealous. I didn't consider how depressing living in that house might be. Perhaps we can choose something together, of course that is on the assumption that you will be staying." Scarlett answered softly, her voice still foggy from her illness.

"You do know what they say about when you assume, don't you?" Rhett chuckled feeling like some of the gloom had finally passed over him.

Scarlett giggled softly, but the laughter soon turned back into a racking coughing that had her gasping for air as she clutched a pillow to her chest. He was immediately at her side, but there was nothing to do other than wait for it to pass. After the coughing spell was over Scarlett chided him, "I've told you that you can't make me laugh."

His brow was slightly furrowed in concern. "You must keep reminding me."

"I'm fine, Rhett. I just can't laugh. It hurts, but you didn't do anything wrong." She frowned for a minute, because something about him still didn't seem quite right. He wasn't quite himself, but she brushed aside the thought, merely enjoying the time that she was able to spend with him. He was lavishing attention on her like he had only done in the early days of their relationship before they were married and things had been completely ruined. She rather enjoyed it. It was like a having a beau again.

"But you are correct. I'm staying. I'm not leaving again." He dropped a kiss on her brow before rising to retrieve something from the desk. "Here is a catalog with some house designs that you might find interesting. It will help entertain you while you are forced to stay in bed."

She took the material from him and began leafing through it. "Would you be offended if I wanted my home to look something like Twelve Oaks did before the war?" She rushed on before he could answer, "It isn't about Ashley, I just always loved it there. Maybe it symbolizes all that we lost, a little bit of the old salvaged from the ruins...."

He stood quietly for a moment before responding, "I wouldn't mind a house like that as long as there are lots of windows and and not a lot of red plush velvet covering the windows, the floor, the walls, the furniture... I'm surprised that you didn't find a way to cover the ceiling in it."

"Don't be ridiculous. Gold leafing was more practical." She smiled up at him, her most brilliant charming smile, and she could see the change in his demeanor when she turned the full strength of her wiles upon him. "Then why don't you tell me what you like?" She asked.

"I was considering a home like you would find on the battery on Charleston, something elegant and tasteful without being overly ornate." Rhett looked wistful as he described the house.

It left Scarlett wondering, "Is that what you wanted me to have built the first time around?"

He nodded and grinned, "But you imagined so much more!"

"Is that your way of being nice and still making fun of my taste?" Scarlett returned with mild annoyance. But she decided to try and keep the fragile peace intact for the moment, "oh, it really doesn't matter now. Besides, I had grown tired of the way things looked. There were days when it only reminded me of blood and loss. I'm not too sad that the house is gone. I only wish that I could have saved more of Bonnie's things." Scarlett continued.

"You saved some of Bonnie's things?" He questioned hopefully.

"Don't you remember? You took them from me, right after the fire..." she prompted, but the look in his eyes showed no recollection of those events. "You don't remember any of it, still?" At this he shook his head, and she frowned but remained silent, deciding that now was not the time to address the issue.

"I must have blocked it out, or perhaps Belle was wrong and I had been drinking." Rhett offered in way of explanation.

She watched his face, knowing that he hadn't been drinking, that there was something else amiss besides alcohol. "I'm sure that must be it. You really need to stop drinking like a fish."

He grinned and agreed. "If you are feeling up to it, I could bring the children in and you could spend the evening with them. I need to get out of here for a while. I need to set some things in motion to get our new house built."

"I would like to spend some time with them." She paused, "Do you think that we could get another doll made for Ella? There was one that she was very particular too, and I know that it was lost in the fire. As rough as things have been, I think that it would be nice for her to have something that looked like her old doll."

"Of course. When have I ever tried to stop you from spending money? If let you build that horror of architecture, do you really think that I would complain about you buying a new doll for our daughter?"

She smiled at the fact that he has referred to Ella not as her daughter, but their daughter. Then she remembered that he had once again mocked her taste in a home. "You could have said something when I was building it. You didn't have to let me just have my way."

"And what has saying no to you ever accomplished? He asked with a raise of one eyebrow.

"Well as a child, that was the way to insure that I was going to do it. I hated to be told no." She recalled, knowing that as a child she had been much like Bonnie, but the thought of her lost child was still too great a loss for more than a cursory glance. Tomorrow had not yet come for her to be able to think about such a great loss.

"Have you ever considered that having someone tell you no was the reason that you dug in your heels so fiercely with your infatuation with Ashley?"

She was silent for a moment as she considered this possibility, "You might be on to something there. I can't say that that is the only reason, because he was also one of the only things left that survived the devastation of the war. He was something that I could think about that I had left. At times he was the only thing that I could think about without driving me over the edge, and I had to stay strong. My family needed me. There was no one else to carry the load."

He sat on the edge of the bed, watching her, his gaze burning into her, "I tried to carry that load for you. But you never could see it. I wanted to do something to rescue you."

She leaned forward brushing his chin with the tips of her fingers, "It doesn't matter, Rhett. Its over and I am going to be fine. We can rebuild our lives."

He leaned into her hand and smiled. "Life will be better than it was, won't it?" He asked seeming to need her assurances.

"We can change the things that we were doing wrong. Things will be better, they just have to be." She replied.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead and she began to hope that things were really beginning to change between them. He had given her hope for the future. She reclined back on the pillows and closed her eyes. She was still easily tired after such a lengthy illness, and her eyes were becoming heavy. It was so much easier to have Rhett around and being so kind. She had missed that side of him. Their marriage had changed him, or perhaps it was not their marriage, but her refusal of him. She knew that she must have hurt him, and she had regretted for years. But she relished the fact that now they were growing closer. The past seemed to finally be staying in the past.

He was not feeling the same reassurance. Instead, he was confused and slightly disoriented. "I just need to go to Belle's", he told himself, convinced that she could find a way to help make things right. He could not shake the fogginess that had settled on his brain. He could not quite remember when it was that the haze descended, but it clung to him like morning dew. He left Scarlett sleeping peacefully and headed out to Belle's.

Belle welcomed him warmly, obviously pleased to see him after the time he had spent away nursing Scarlett. "Rhett, aren't you a sight for sore eyes. Have you only now escaped from that pretty piece of work that you married?" as she quickly ushered him up the stairs to his room.

"She's getting better, finally. It really looked like she would die." He said as he sat upon his neatly made bed, his eyes staring out almost vacantly.

"How are you doing? You wasn't doing so well when you left here with her." Belle said rubbing his hand in a gesture of familiarity and warmth.

"I don't know, nothing is making sense. Things are missing. Nothing quite fits together." He said as he lowered his head to his hands.

"Maybe you just need to have a drink and think about things. A drink always used to settle you down when she got you all riled up." Belle consoled, "she never was good for you."

Rhett shook his head, "It isn't her. I am the problem. She has been nothing but nice, although bewildered by my actions. She almost died Belle, and then apparently, and no she isn't the only to tell me this, but apparently I started attacking her as soon as she was dragged from the fire, and yet she hasn't accused me of anything that I didn't deserve. Something is wrong with my head."

"Hush, darling. Let me take care of you. You have just been so busy taking care of her that you are worn out. I'll get you something to eat and a glass of single malt whiskey just the way that you like it. And you will be just dandy." She slipped out the door with the promise to return, and he sat staring out the window trying to make sense of his failing memory.


	15. Chapter 15

_Author's Note: This poor story... I've been writing it for nearly two years now. In fact I just passed my anniversary for posting my chapter on here two weeks ago! Wow I've written a lot in that span of time. Again, this has been sitting around partially finished and so since I got all three tests out of the way I thought I could devote a little time to fanfiction. Who knows I might be really productive and update the rest of my stories. Thank you to all of you who have been reading my stories and reviewing over the past two years. You have all made my life better, and I am so glad I found this fandom. I have made amazing friends that yes I might have lived without, but my life would not be as full as it is. For my GWTW besties thank you so much for everything. I love this fandom. Corrin and Janet you are amazing! Wait... I don't remember, what did I do before I found GWTW fanfiction. I don't recall. Thank you to everyone that ad shared their stories over the years and for those who keep posting. It always makes me smile to see an update to one of my favorite stories! I heart you all. Happy Easter!_

**Up From the Ashes Chapter 15**

She was startled awake by someone insistently pounding on the door. She still struggled to get out of bed. However there was no one else available. "I'm coming," she rasped as loudly as she could. She wasn't sure if they had heard her for the knocking did not abate. She threw a wrapper over her night gown and slowly made her way across the room. Upon finally reaching the door, she tried again to be heard without having to open the door. She was in her night gown and wrapper, and she knew that as ill as she had been that she looked terrible. No one should see her like this. And who was this mad person trying to break down her door?

"Who is there?" She called as loudly as her whisper of a voice would allow. And yet again the person knocking didn't seem to hear. With no other recourse to stop the pounding, she finally opened the door just enough to peek through the crack.

"Good God, Scarlett. Let me in!" a belligerent Rhett ordered. She swung the door open further, and was horrified to learn that he had not returned to their room alone.

"Why on earth did you bring her here?" Scarlett rasped.

Rhett was instantly more concerned with Scarlett's illness than the fact that he had been escorted home by none other than Belle Watling. "Scarlett, if you were ill, why didn't you send for me?"

She looked at him in puzzlement, not distracted from the issue that she considered more pressing. As if in understanding, Belle made her way in to the room and shut the door. "We came by the back stairs. No one saw us. I know that you have been through terrible losses recently." She glanced at Rhett, "Rhett, darlin', why don't you go down stairs and get Scarlett something to eat and drink. It looks as if she could use a good meal. I know that you didn't want me to come, but I got a message that she was feeling poorly, and it isn't as if I can go down and get a tray prepared for her. Now, I will just get her put back to bed, and I can keep an eye on her to make sure she don't do nothing she shouldn't."

This seemed to appeal to him and he agreed grudgingly. "I'll be back in just a minute."

Once he was out of the room, Belle began to explain why it was that she had brought him herself as she followed Scarlett to the bed. "There is something wrong with him, with his memory. I wouldn't want to bother you with it, but there is no escapin' it. He don't remember the last several years. Maybe I shoulda turned him out when he came asking for a drink. I didna mean no harm. I knew that you was in no condition to come and fetch him home, and I wasn't quite sure where he was in his memory. I thought it best that we handle it quietly." Belle explained soberly as she tucked Scarlett back into the bed. "I'm sorry that I got you out of bed when I know how sick that you been."

"I don't understand," Scarlett whispered pulling the blankets over herself.

"I doan rightly either, but every time that he drinks lately it just seems to get worse and worse. He keeps forgetting more and more. I would hate to be the one to try and stand between that man and the bottle, though. I heard talk about men having more problems than just being a mean drunk, but I'd never seen it, not like this."

"The morning after the fire, he didn't remember that Bonnie was gone. Is it like that again?" Scarlett asked.

"I'm afraid that its even worse. He was asking why he was at my establishment when he had just returned from your honeymoon. I made up some lie about you had just come by to say hi, and you drank a little too much and passed out. Now, I normally don't make a habit out of lyin' to Rhett, but he didn't even flinch. And then I told him that I got word that you was ill, and that he needed to get back to the hotel to see you. He thinks that you still live here, I reckon."

"But we only lived her for the first few months after returning. Did he ask about the children?" She quizzed.

"No, and I don't think that he remembers anything. I don't know, but something is wrong, and visiting me don't seem to help him none."

"No, he gets worse everytime he sees you." Scarlett agreed angrily.

"Now, I know that we've never been friends. I know that we never will be, but I thought that we should agree to put those differences aside. And I know that you've been sick. He was relieved that you were starting to feel better. And I don't know that anyone deserves to go through all that you gone through." And they continued in discussing how Rhett did not seem himself and the odds things that he had done in recent memory until the man in question reappeared.

"There should be a tray up here soon for you. I ordered everything you like." He glanced at Belle, "You've got to get out of here. Thank you for letting me know that she was ill, but I've got it under control now."

He watched as Belle rose from the bedside and quickly made her exit. Then he turned to Scarlett, "I'm so sorry that she accompanied me. I'm not.."

"I know, Rhett." Scarlett replied through gritted teeth. The fragrance of Belle's cheap cologne still hung in the air, irritating Scarlett by its mere presence. And yet as much as she couldn't stand Rhett's former mistress, she knew that Belle's visit had been one of concern. Scarlett had seen the same issues that Belle had mentioned the night of the fire. She hadn't made a connection to the fact that it was linked with his drinking. She stared at the window trying to decide what needed done when she was interrupted in her thoughts by a concerned Rhett. "Are you all right? I'm sorry I didn't realize that you were so ill, I wouldn't have made you get of bed to answer the door if I had known."

She shook her head nervously, this odd behavior unsettled her, "But you did know, Rhett. You've been sitting beside my bed for days, don't you remember?" She was so used to Rhett being in control, being the calm collected one. And now with him in this strange state, she was left feeling oddly alone. She missed that certainty.

"How could that be, we just returned from our honeymoon last night. We haven't even gathered the children from Pittypat's yet." He told her the annoyance creeping in to his voice. "You wanted to go talk to some crew about starting to begin building a house."

"Do you actually not remember anything that has happened in the last five years?" She asked in shock.

"What on earth are you talking about? I've known you for just that length of time, from the bazaar, perhaps a little more since I met you at Twelve Oaks." Rhett replied impatiently.

"No! We met thirteen years ago. We were married nearly six years ago. Wade, Wade is nearly grown, and Ella is in school." She gasped, "Oh, God! You don't remember Bonnie?"

"Bonnie? Who is that? Why are you being so ridiculous? We can't have been married for that long, its only been a month." His brow wrinkled as he watched her face for signs of a lie. "I must admit that you have become quite adept at lying over night. If I didn't know better, then I would say that you were telling the truth."

"Why don't you pick up the newspaper over there, and then tell me what the date is." She argued, her heart racing the exertion of the argument.

He rose from the bed and moved towards the table, "I'm only doing this to humor you."

"I'm not lying, Rhett. I swear that I'm not. If you would like to see the children, Wade and Ella are in the room next door. Our house burned to the ground. I barely escaped. I was only able to save a few things from the wreckage." She reached for the bedside table as he picked up the paper.

His face was inscrutable as he read the date. "I don't know how you managed to pull off a ruse like this. Well played. And it isn't even April fools."

"Here. Look at this. Tell me that you don't recognize her face. Tell me that you don't know her." Scarlett handed him a small miniature tarnished and soot streaked.

He took that offered frame and stared at the smiling little girl with dark curls and pale eyes. "I know her. I don't know… I know that I should know her." He sat back on the bed beside her with a deep sigh. "She's our daughter, isn't she? She looks so much like you. Where is she? Is she in the room with Wade and Ella?"

"No," a soft sob escaped. "She's gone. There was a riding accident."

He stared at her for a moment in shock at her admission. "Our daughter is dead? And I don't even know her name." His face grew cold like a granite boulder. " Who was the fool that would let a child that young ride a horse? The girl looks no older than four."

"Bonnie. You called her Bonnie, because she had eyes as blue as the Bonnie Blue flag." Scarlett whispered. "I named her Eugenia Victoria. She would be five now,; she's been gone almost a year. She was your world."

He sat on the edge of her bed, tears streaking his face and his head rested in his open palms. His body was shaking with deep sobs. Scarlett crawled out from under the covers and slipped her arms around him, pressing her face into his back, her own tears wetting the fabric of her shirt. "How could I forget her? How could I forget someone that I loved as much as you say that I did?" He paused for a moment, trying to understand, "I was the one who taught her to ride, wasn't I? I feel like the memories are there at the corner of my memory, and I just can't seem to reach them. "

"We have survived everything yet, you just need to rest. You look tired. Maybe when you wake up, then you will remember, even though there are times I would give anything to forget."


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: I apologize for the delay in updating. I know I am terrible and awful for it. But I hope that you enjoy this chapter. This is the chapter that my surprise is in, and I hope everyone likes where I am taking this story. I had to do a lot of historical research to try and make this as accurate as possible. I can't promise that it is perfect, but I have attempted to try and keep the history as accurate as possible. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Up From the Ashes Chapter 16

When he awoke the next day, his memory was cloudy, but much clearer than the previous day. His reunion with Wade and Ella had been stilted and uncomfortable, but with enough details filled in by Scarlett he had managed it congenially. Ella had shyly hugged him and kissed him softly on the cheek, still nervous around him since the evening of the fire. And he couldn't exactly blame her. Wade was very stand offish and aloof, but as protective as the boy could be, neither could Rhett blame him. Neither seemed to suffer more than what appeared to be a slight cough following the panic at their burning home. The emotional damage seemed to penetrate much more deeply.

Of course he could always pretend that Scarlett simply had to be lying about what all had happened, but the looks on the children's faces could not be coached or forced. The children were ironclad proof to Scarlett's seemingly outlandish claims. It frightened him a little, though he would never admit it. He hated to think that he had lost parts of his life. The loss of his memory made him feel powerless and exposed.

And so he tried to deny that there was a problem, but Scarlett refused to listen to him. The previous evening had been more than even she could dismiss as something to put aside until it was forgotten. Now even she could see how serious a matter that it really was. "I've sent for Dr. Meade." She told him as they ate breakfast after the children had returned to their room to have breakfast and sit with the tutor that Scarlett had hired. She had wakened earlier than he for one of the few times in their marriage.

"Whatever for?" He asked snidely. "I'm fine. And when did you possibly have time for that?"

"I was up and sent a message for the doctor and was back in bed before you even knew that I was gone. You are losing your edge in your old age. Which proves my point, that you aren't fine. You didn't know when I left. But you sleeping harder than normal doesn't seem so serious, but Rhett, last night you couldn't remember years of our lives together." She said with a slight rasp in her voice. "You forgot Bonnie. You can't tell me that it's not serious. She was your life. And you couldn't even remember her birth or her name. You couldn't remember her."

He rose from the table tossing down the napkin that he has meticulously tucked into his shirt to prevents crumbs from adhering to him. "Don't you think that I know this? I remember. I remember her this morning, I remember bits and pieces of last night as well. I remember things that I wish that I couldn't. I remember all of the stupid mistakes that I've ever made…"

She cut him off angrily, "surely not all of them. You've done so many stupid things that I've lost count, and those are only the ones that involve me…" She stopped short, biting her tongue to keep from offering more comments that she might later regret.

"I'm glad to know what you really think of me. But of course if I've been paying attention I would already know. But it doesn't matter. What can Dr. Meade do about it? It isn't as if we can go back and change these things. The past is past."

"Don't you get it? You are a fool, Rhett. It is your drinking. It happens when you're drunk – not even drunk, just if you've been drinking. I don't know, but maybe the alcohol is rotting your brain?" She finished lamely.

"Perhaps you aren't educated on the way that the human body works, but the alcohol goes through the stomach." He sniffed arrogantly.

"Stop it! This isn't some stupid little joke. This is serious! Perhaps I'm not as well educated as you are, Rhett, but damn it, this is for you. That stuff is making you sick, and you won't admit it. You drink like a fish. Don't you think that eventually it's going to affect your behavior and your health?" She pleaded from her seat. "I don't know if Dr. Meade can do anything, but at least he might have some ideas."

"Listen, I know how much you drink on the side, don't try to act the wounded innocent here, Scarlett. I knew of all of your hidden stashes and how often they needed to be refilled. I am a very keen observer of you and your sins. And besides I can quit if I want to." He finished.

"So you say. Of course. Rhett Butler can do anything." She sighed defeated for a moment, regrouping to fight him. "But you don't want to, do you? You want to stay in this drunken, foolish state. Maybe I should just let you go. Maybe we would both be better off." She left the statement suspended in the air, as he pretended that she had not spoken.

She rose shakily from the chair, still weakened from her illness and injuries. And immediately he was at her side. "Go back to bed. You shouldn't have been up earlier. I'm staying in here so that you don't do anything foolish. I don't want you to over exert yourself. You can't stand any more setbacks in your recovery."

"I'm tired of being in bed. I just want to get dressed and fix my hair and feel normal again." She responded, even as she leaned heavily on him despite her protests to the contrary. "And that isn't the matter at hand. Don't try and dissuade me. I am going to talk to Dr. Meade about it, and I don't care if you don't like it. Sometimes people need someone to do the right thing for them for once."

"Then let me help you." He offered peaceably. " I may be a brute, but I can't let you do this by yourself." He replied as he led her to another chair which was closer to the bed, where she could wait for him to bring out her clothes to be dressed. "The dressmaker is supposed to be working on a new wardrobe for you and the children. But I told her to focus on getting several outfits prepared for the children since you were ill. I decided that it was imperative to keep them from looking like little street urchins or free-issue darkies."

"Some clothes arrived for them yesterday… while you were gone.." Scarlett added pointedly, seemingly unconcerned that the children's needs were being met before her own and as though she was already aware of the details she was being informed of. "But I have one dress that I had left at Aunt Pitty's when we got married because I had worn it when I was in the family way…." She blushed.

He chuckled softly at the way that she was embarrassed by nature. "You have borne three children. It shouldn't make you blush to mention to your own husband that you were in that condition." He smiled.

She grinned shyly at him. "Could you be a dear and grab me my corset as well."

"I'll be damned if you think that you are ready to wear a corset." She jumped at the anger in his voice. "Dr. Meade told me that you might have cracked some ribs in the fall, and you are not wearing that damned contraption. All women would be better off if the things were banned and then burned in the town square!" He rebutted.

"But it isn't decent to go about without the proper undergarments." She responded quickly, her mother's and mammy's teachings still emerging despite Rhett's best efforts to undermine them.

He smiled at her, his mood shifting quickly between anger and peace. But the resolution did not fade from his eyes. "I won't allow it. If necessary I will burn yours before I allow you to wear it without getting approval from Dr. Meade first. I don't know why you women don't revolt and refuse to wear them. And besides you are not venturing any farther than this hotel room for the foreseeable future, so it doesn't really matter what is decent and what isn't. No one is going to see you, aside from the good doctor or myself. And we have both seen you in a greater state of dishabille than simply not wearing a corset underneath your dress. You will still be wearing your chemise. It isn't as though I am asking you to go nude."

She glared at him, but she did not protest farther. She was slowly learning to recognize when to fight against him and when it would do no good. He was resolute on the issue and fighting would only exhaust her and gain nothing.

He helped her dress and then made her return to bed, as he went into the hall to find a servant to bring up their breakfasts. He returned a few moments later with Dr Meade in tow.

Upon entering the room he found a seat in the padded chairs that were scattered about the room. He was very somber as he listened to Scarlett's descriptions of Rhett's recent behavior. He opened his case and pulled out papers and began scribbling on them intently.

When Scarlett finished her description he looked up and grimaced. "My recommendation may seem odd. It is in fact still a very new idea. But there is an idea to turn to healthy eating and removing oneself from the environment which has impeded the recovery process. It is not an inexpensive treatment, and again it is still very controversial. But I have been studying up on the matter, and I feel that you could benefit greatly from going to this compound. It is called the Western Health Institute run by man named Hays. They focus on eating low fat, whole grain diets and abstain completely from any form of alcohol. I have read that they have excellent results, and so my advice to you is that Rhett should contact them and secure himself a place to find a way to attain better health. There is research being done that there is a form of amnesia that is caused by too great a consumption of alcohol, and by the way that you have been drinking, that would not be surprising to me. A man named Carl Wernicke of Germany has been studying those with symptoms such as you seem to be displaying."

He paused for a moment, shuffling the papers that he had pulled from his bag. "Carl Wernicke seems to have postulated that if the condition is not halted that the patient will eventually never be able to recover those lost memories. He has only begun publishing this things in the last year. But Captain Butler, if you do not do something to stop this process, although no one is certain that this can be reversed, but if you do not stop turning to the bottle, your entire life will be lost to you."

Rhett was silent, as was a horrified and at the same time elated Scarlett. There was hope. Someone might be able to do something. "I think that you are right, Dr. Meade," Scarlett finally spoke. "I think it would be wonderful chance for us to do something. It might be a chance for us to have a fresh start. Heaven knows with everything that has happened in the last year that we could use that…"

Dr. Meade started to add, "Scarlett, I don't think that you understand…"

But Scarlett quickly interrupted, "I do understand how serious this is. I will send a telegram to them today, and hopefully we can both go as soon as possible."

Rhett was still silent, and Dr. Meade smiled secretively as he gathered his things and departed saying "best of luck to you both. Call me if you seem to worsen again, Scarlett." And then he was off, leaving Rhett and Scarlett alone together to weigh the seriousness of the situation at hand.

Author's Note : This is researched. The dates may be slightly off ( which is why I am not naming the condition because I know that it wasn't named at this point, but yes I think I am the first to have the gall to send Rhett to rehab… but haven't we all wished to so that too. Thanks for reading!)


	17. Chapter 17

**_Up From the Ashes Chapter 17_**

**_OK so I discovered that I have details wrong. It is not Battle Creek Sanitarium at this point. It was renamed that in 1877. And Kellogg wasn't the director at that location until 1876. Oops! It is called at this point The Western Health Reform Institute. The physician in charge at the time was Dr. H. S. Lay. I have changed those details in chapter 16. Kellogg was there in that area from 1855, but since he wasn't running it, that clarification needed to be made. But I wanted everyone to be aware so that there is no confusion. Sorry for taking so long to update. But I consider it progress that this will be my third story to be updated in a week. I guess there is something to be said for little drabbles. It certainly helped me get back into the writing mood. So yay for the drabble challenge!_**

It took several weeks for the arrangements to be made. Their legal paper work was aligned with Uncle Henry. Dr. Meade inquired more into the matter, and with his help a spot was secured at the Institute for the both of them. The children were to stay with Aunt PittyPat and Ashley while Rhett and Scarlett were away. Everything seemed to be working out perfectly. Even the dresses that Rhett had ordered for Scarlett were complete.

Ella was very clingy, and it had been difficult to explain to the girl why she needed to go. Ella had a tendency to feel left out and abandoned, and Scarlett tried to assure her that they would be home just as soon as they possibly could.

"I do wish that I could be here to supervise the building of the new house. But I wager that it is for the best." Scarlett mused as she finished packing up her room at the hotel. They had stopped by the site which had already been cleared of the charred remains.

He smiled understanding and remembering how much she enjoyed supervising every detail of the house while it was being built. "Yes but this time, I get to chose what the house looks like. I am asking Ashley, as much as I dislike the man, to keep an eye on the construction. And it works out since he is profiting from the building." Rhett was becoming more like his usual self with every passing day. "I think that you will be pleased with it, although there will be no flocked red wallpaper to be found in it. And I'm not allowing any gilded cherubs."

She frowned at him, "Yes, you've made that plenty clear. And besides you showed me the plans. You must have been considering something for quite a while to already be able to have plans drawn up." Scarlett eyed him suspiciously.

He chuckled, "This is the house that I wanted. I drew it up while I was in Charleston after my father died. And I simply showed the architect my sketches and he was able to draft it quite quickly." He straightened his cravat as he peered into the mirror, having already finished his own packing. "Of course a large bank draft was an enticing incentive. You've already had your turn to build the house of your dreams while I bank rolled the entire thing, and now it is mine."

Scarlett truly did like the house plans, although she had no intention of letting Rhett know that. It would be ridiculously expensive to build, with all of the windows that he had planned. Of course he didn't care what it cost. It was what he wanted, and when he wanted something he could afford to spare no expense. The feel of it would be lighter, more like Twelve Oaks had been with sweeping arches and soaring columns. The house would be done in more soothing colors. It was also a house that would be more acceptable to society. For although it would also be large, it would not be the monstrosity that the other house had been. It would be acceptable for the matrons of society. It would fit in with the homes from before the war. It would be a home that the children would not be mocked for, a place that would help secure a place for them instead of making them into outcasts.

* * *

They arrived after several days of riding on a train. The departure from Atlanta had been uneventful. But the train ride had been enough for Scarlett to become uneasy. She wasn't thrilled at the prospect of leaving the children for any length of time, but she had decided that it was necessary and that she wanted to support Rhett in his time of need. It had taken a great deal of pleading to get Rhett to accompany her. He was determined that he didn't need anyone's help, if it wasn't for Ella and Wade he probably would never have even considered it. Her unease combined with his reluctance to go made them both combative, which made the long trip seem much longer. They arrived in Battle Creek, Michigan unhappy and already wishing that they had not come. But Scarlett was determined this was a new chance for their marriage.

* * *

They arrived mid afternoon at the Institute which had once been the home of Benjamin Graves, a judge of the Michigan Superior Court. It was situated on a parcel of land, isolated from the rest of the town. The location was attractive enough, but immediately Rhett was displeased as a member of the staff described the plan to the both of them. He wasn't opposed to the idea of outside exercise for the purpose of health as well as the encouragement to spend time in the sun. But the fact that they eschewed all forms of meat and the abstention of sexual relations did not set things well with him. In fact they completely segregated men from women, to Scarlett's chagrin. After all if she wasn't with Rhett what benefit was it for her to be there.

Then they were taken on a tour of the facility by an ambitious staff member by the name of Kellogg. He bragged that Mrs. Lincoln herself had visited which did nothing to speak of for either of the Butlers. He extolled the virtues of their therapies one of which was frequent enemas. At this Rhett immediately protested. By Mr. Kellogg responded that here was the place that they could learn to practice the principles of a healthy lifestyle. He added that the institute provided "a composite physiologic method comprising hydrotherapy, phototherapy, thermotherapy, electrotherapy, mechanotherapy, dietetics, physical culture , cold-air cure, and health training". The idea of good hygiene was not unwelcomed by Rhett and Scarlett, but some of their other ideas had both ready to bolt for the door. There were plans for the Institute to expand. They needed more building to fully realize their dreams. But Rhett cut him off.

"I appreciate all that you are doing, but I think that we have decided that this is not the best place for us." Scarlett's insistent nod confirmed that she was as eager to leave as he was.

"But you were referred her for treatment by a Dr. Meade from Atlanta. Surely you didn't travel this far to turn around and go home," Dr. Kellogg stated. "Let me consult with Dr. Hays before you make any rash decisions."

"I came of my own free will for the sake of my family and for my own health, and I will leave here of my own free will. I might have to do this the hard way, but I cannot and will not abide by the rules of this place. You may have some valuable ideas, but not valuable enough to me that I would stay in this good forsaken place. I'm not going to put up with frequent enemas. That cannot be pleasant. And if I want to be with my wife, I cannot see any reason why I should give that up." He turned towards Scarlett, "Do you want to stay here, or are you ready to leave?"

Scarlett immediately agreed. "I don't think that this is the place for us. But Rhett do you think that you can overcome this problem on your own? I will stay here if it means that you won't get sick like you were."

He pushed open the door to the room that they were standing in and headed for the stairs, as she trailed behind him. "I've decided something today."

Scarlett scurried to keep up with him, "What is that?" She asked in surprise, her breath coming in quick rasps as she worked so hard to maintain his speed.

"I would rather try to salvage what we have and try to work through my problems with you than be in some barren hell hole like this." He said taking her hand. "The thought of staying here is almost enough for me to say something crazy like I'm sorry or you are right. But that isn't going to happen."

Scarlett's laughter trilled, "If it will take me away from here, then I really don't care what you say. And besides I don't want the world to end, and I'm sure that it would if you were to make confessions such as that." There was a thrill in the escape, and now instead of being combatants against each other, they were now fighting against the Institute. "But do you mean that we traveled all the way to Michigan for nothing at all?"

"Unless you would like to stay behind and follow their treatment of frequent enemas and alternating baths in hot and cold water…" he suggested.

"No that's all right. I'll go with you." They fled the building and made their way to town and were not pleased to learn that the only boarding house was already full up. There were no rooms to be had.

"What are we going to do Rhett?" She had been tired before they got there, and not she was exhausted.

"I don't think we have any choice." He replied evenly.

She stared at him in horror, "Surely you don't mean that we are sleeping out here. Its freezing outside."

He laughed, "No I think that we are going to have to return to the institute for the night. We can check on the train schedule and then make use of the time there as best we can."

* * *

Rhett was not pleased with the food they served, and was also annoyed that they would be stuck there for several days. They met with the director, and he agreed to allow them to stay until they were able to catch a train headed back east. "But while you are here, we ask that you follow our guidelines. You might find that it will benefit you, even if you are unwilling to continue our regimen."

They were agreeable as the only other option was that they would be camping out for several days in the cool Michigan air. Scarlett's health although much improved was still ailing to a degree making the suggested activities of great difficulty. "I'm only glad that we are here now. I can only imagine the greater horrors that they will come up with," she groused.

They left on the first train out, and although they learned nothing of their techniques, they learned a new appreciation for each other.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Author's Note: Ok, not as soon as I intended, but as a bonus a lot less time between updates than the last update. I made it in under a month. Thanks for sticking with this story. It is wrapping up, and I really enjoyed writing this chapter especially. I know some will say Rhett is out of character, but I think with all of the things he has gone through I felt it was right. So I hope that you enjoy!**_

Up From the Ashes Chapter 18

The train was late, although there was nothing unusual about such an occurrence. It was only a slight inconvenience, or at least it would have been had the Butlers not been so very eager to leave the town and the Sanitarium behind them. They were as impatient as children on Christmas morning to board the train. When the train finally chugged into the station, with its billowing plume of black smoke swirling about, Scarlett was already on her feet, having been peering down the track into the distance. It could not have arrived soon enough for Scarlett who had not been very cooperative under the care of the Institute.

"I don't see how they think that eating like that can make you healthier. It wasn't much more than we ate during the war. I don't think I've been as hungry as I am right now in years. I hope that we can get some decent food before I die!" Scarlett groused as she gathered up her belongings to carry on to the train.

Rhett flinched inwardly at her allusion to the time at Tara at the end of the war and immediately afterwards. "I enjoyed physical exercise. I never felt more alive than when I was out in the sun captaining a ship. I think that there is something to be said for that." He offered amicably.

"That's fine, but I don't even want to think about some of the other 'treatments' that they advocated." She shuddered. "I think that they are cruel and twisted."

Rhett grinned, only because he had threatened the nurses and doctors that if they tried anything on him that he would make sure that they didn't live to see another day. The food and exercise he had no problems tolerating, but he had his limits, and the staff had suggested things that went far beyond what he would submit to. That place ought to be burned to the ground. What they suggested for health was little better than leaches.

* * *

Rhett helped her on to the train, and they carried their bags down the hallway to find an empty compartment for them to settle down in. A porter motioned them towards a simple compartment as another loaded their trunks on to the train. Scarlett stowed her bags and carefully settled her skirts to try to prevent them from wrinkling.

Once settled, Scarlett smiled broadly, a wide open smile that rarely had graced her face. But she was so thankful to be away from the Institute that she could not hold back her relief. Rhett too was in a particularly good mood at having escaped from their treatments. "I didn't realize that Dr. Meade was a sadist."

He grinned at Scarlett's blank expression. "It means that he likes to see people in pain. And the converse is a masochist enjoys being on the receiving end of the pain."

She tossed her hair," Why would someone enjoy being in pain? I have had more than my share of pain. I could live the rest of my life without it and I would still have had far more than my share." She smiled shaking the thought away; she was in such a pleasant mood that nothing Rhett could say would ruin it.

Rhett eyes sparkled brightly with mirth, but he remained silently watching her with something akin to the cat and mouse look that Scarlett had once mentioned.

"Well I am so thankful to be leaving that for the moment at least I am going to believe that he had no idea what he was sending us to. Surely he wouldn't have sent us to that awful place if he had known…" A look of horror and embarrassment crossed her face, "unless… do you think he was punishing us, trying to get you back for…."

"I paid my debt to him and was a respectable member of society. I even saved his neck and the necks of a good many other men, if you recall. He wouldn't dare." He grinned broadly. "At least he better hope that he knew nothing of their methods. I will be having a serious discussion with the good doctor soon after we arrive back in Atlanta. If he knew what he was sending us to, then perhaps it would only be fair to do the same courtesy to him. He can undergo the treatments and see if they are to his liking, although perhaps it would be a welcome relief after living in a house with Mrs. Meade. "

"All that I know," Scarlett replied twisting in her seat to find a more comfortable position, "is that I wish more than anything to go home and curl up in my bed surrounded by things that I love."

"And unfortunately even when we get back to Atlanta that won't be a possibility. Rome wasn't built ina day, after all. Rhett rose from his seat and sat beside her. "You are welcome to rest against me. After all most of the trials in your life have something that I did at the root of it. The least I can do is give you a little comfort on this interminable train ride from hell."

She watched him warily, the genial atmosphere quivering in the air around them. "I don't want to bother you."

"I think that it is time that I make amends, or at least attempt to make amends for all the wrongs that I have committed against you." He smiled benignly at the surprise in her eyes. "Yes, I know it must be a sign of the apocalypse. I am admitting that I was wrong. Don't wait for it to happen again."

There was a silent moment before she slid over to him and leaned into the strong warmth that he provided. "This is nice. I do like being around you when you are being so nice." She rested her head against him and her eyes slid shut. He listened as her breathing became deep and even. She was still more fragile than she would ever admit. And yet she was also as strong as iron. She was such an odd combination of strength, beauty, and fragility.

While she slept, he allowed his mind to dwell on all of the things that had happened in the time that he had known her. She had changed so much since that day at Twelve Oaks when she had been little more than a child, and yet as she slept she still looked so young and vulnerable. It was hard to imagine that it had been more than a decade since that day. Her skin was so pale, like a sea shell bleached in the summer sun on a sandy beach. Watching her like this made him want to protect her as he had so long ago when she was driving to the mills while she was pregnant with Ella. She had always tried to be so independent. Of course if it wasn't for that trait then Frank Kennedy might still be alive. Or he might now. Rhett's patience with Scarlett's marriage had run very thin by the time that Frank was killed. That union always reminded him of how when Scarlett needed him the most he had been unable to help her. - His poor brave kitten.

A soft moan escaped from her mouth, and it reminded him of just how close to death she has so recently been. He had never been one to admit to his faults, but now he had the time where he had nothing else to do. He knew that something had to change, his very life hung in the balance. Some of the details were still fuzzy, but he knew that Scarlett hadn't lied. She was a terrible liar to begin with, and the children and various others had confirmed for him what Scarlett had said. The alcohol had been for so long such a part of his life, but something was changing. He had to change. He had to change or something would be lost forever. And for all of his tired declarations when he had been so numb from death and grief that he had felt like the walking dead that the Cajuns called zombies, he still loved Scarlett. He was slowly coming back to life and it was almost as though his body tingled with the sensations of the awakening. And his feelings for his wife were stirring within him even as she slumbered in his arms.

* * *

Their moods quickly deteriorated as the train ride continued on with what seemed like no end in sight. It was not a simple journey from Atlanta to Battlecreek. There were no trains that simply went from one place to the other. Instead travel was long and drawn out. There were many changes and delays and waiting for them to face. The train ride from Michigan to the coast was insufferable, and then from the coast they had had to catch another train south, there were many connections that had to be made, and after several days of travel Scarlett was ready to scream, even with Rhett seeming to have contrition for his wrongs.

Rhett motioned for her to sit back down, and she did although not without a frown. "I never thought that sitting could be so exhausting." She complained.

"Are you having another one of your headaches?" he questioned.

Her expression was one of surprise, "I didn't realize that you had noticed."

"I've noticed a lot of things lately, things that I hadn't noticed before." He slowly began kneading the kinks out of her shoulders. "I always thought that I knew you so well, but there is a lot that I didn't see. I was so busy with myself that I didn't see what you were going through, and of what I saw I underestimated how much it damaged you. I thought that once you had enough to eat and felt safe that everything would be fine. But it was more than that. I thought that once we were married that everything would be fixed, and it wasn't. And then I gave up."

Scarlett's hand moved over his, her smooth pale skin over the rough sun-darkened texture of his. "We were both fools. We could have been so happy." Her words were soft, and as she turned to face him he could see the tears shimmering in her eyes. "And now we will never get the chance to have what we lost."

He didn't mean to, but he couldn't help himself as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. He never could stand to see her cry, and the kiss had happened so naturally. There was nothing in the kiss other than comfort and pure love. It wasn't that the passion had disappeared, but more important than the passion, with the kiss came the rekindling of a deep friendship far more important than any he had ever had before. Here was his best friend who happened to also be his wife. He slowly pulled away from her, one of his hands moving to brush away an errant tear.

The tears were still clinging to her lashes as she peered up at him in wonder and shock. The silence between them was punctuated by the clacking of the wheels on the tracks and the rapid beating of their hearts. Finally, knowing there was nothing right that he could say, he pulled her against his chest, willing the silence to continue, because it was always when they spoke that the wrong words seemed to burst forth from his lips. For the moment she was in his arms and for the first time in years he felt whole and complete, that all was right with world, even if just for one small moment. They would be back in Atlanta soon enough to face all of the memories and problems that the town held. But he chose to enjoy the moment and push away the threats that tomorrow would bring.


End file.
